


We’re Like Fire and Rain (You Can Drive Me Insane)

by bugiseyo



Category: Produce 101 (TV), UP10TION, X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Fluff, M/M, jinhyuk as former idol and ceo of agency, jungmo being a confused fanboy, wooseok is the scary lovable department head
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-07-31 05:36:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20109988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugiseyo/pseuds/bugiseyo
Summary: When Jinhyuk and Wooseok leave their idol days behind, they step into the real world of heartbreak and growing pains. Time will tell how their love story ends.(Jinhyuk sets up his own agency where Wooseok also works. Chaos ensues when the long-term couple breaks up.)





	1. Love Scenario

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungmo's first day as HR assistant manager is more than eventful. He also learns of a secret that may potentially give him a heart attack. No big deal, though.
> 
> "We were in love  
We met and became a memory that can’t be erased  
It was a commendable melodrama  
A pretty good ending  
That’s all I need"
> 
> -Love Scenario, iKON (2018)

_One, two, three, slide— Four, five, six—_

Jinhyuk executes the choreography perfectly until he accidentally steps on his own feet, stumbling forward in pain. He kneels down to collect himself, dismissing the members’ concerns with a wave of his hand. After a minute or two of breathing deeply Jinhyuk opens his eyes, glancing in the mirror to see everyone back to their original positions —_all except one_.

Wooseok was staring at him, expression indiscernible and mouth pressed into a tight line. Jinhyuk looks away, his body buzzing with nerves. Getting up, he ignores the wary looks Jinhoo and Kuhn cast to each other on his sides, choosing instead to focus on his own reflection.

Dark bags under his eyes, forehead glistening with sweat from hours of non-stop practising, Jinhyuk feels like his body might just collapse anytime soon. _But no_, he thinks to himself. _He can’t collapse now. Up10tion is this close to making it as a successful group. He’s this close to making it. Damn his body._

Shaking his head with a sigh, Jinhyuk signals for the music to be played again, only to receive no response. On the verge of snapping, he wills himself to calm down and strides over to the stereo, pausing when a sharp voice cuts through the silence.

  
“_Enough_,” Wooseok stares at Jinhyuk, his voice not exactly loud but vibrating with authority. Jinhyuk challenges him with a sharp look, silently asking Wooseok to back down for once. Wooseok, of course, doesn’t waver a bit.

“I’m fine.” Jinhyuk spits out through gritted teeth. The tension in the room is thick and suffocating. Jinhyuk swears he just saw Dongyeol flinch.

  
“_Are you_?” Wooseok replies, face void of expression, but everyone sees it. The brewing storm in his eyes, irises clouded with worry and anger. Jinhyuk’s annoyed demeanour falters, and he finds himself wishing that things could be _different_. Different so that they don’t need to live as dolls wound up so tight and on the brink of cracking. Alas, this is reality, and “making it” in the industry has been and will always prove to be difficult to the core.

  
_ But this is his dream_. To perform on stage, basked in the cheers and enjoyment of those who acknowledge his talents and appreciate his music. It’s a path he chose for himself, and he would die before giving up without truly trying.

  
Groaning in defeat, he notices the victorious glint in Wooseok’s eyes, fleeting but nevertheless genuine.

  
“5 minutes,_ I needed to pee anyways_.”

* * *

  
“_Seungyeon, we don’t need him for auditions._” Jinhyuk leans back into his chair, nose pinched in frustration.

  
Now 33, with his Up10tion days long cast behind his shoulders, Jinhyuk is currently the CEO of Korea’s rising agency SunShin Entertainment. Instead of grounding himself in a practice room for hours, he now spends his days coped up in another prison—His office, listening to _idiots like Cho Seungyeon _who insist on having the Human Resources director as part of the audition’s judge panel. _Completely unnecessary_.

“_Boohoo petty_, won’t you just get off your high horse. We need opinion from several different perspectives. And why do you even have a HR director if you’re not going to involve him in recruitment. Spare all of us from your personal affairs.”

  
“This is not about me and—“ Jinhyuk pauses, looking at Seungyeon’s smug face with disgust. _Ugh_.

  
“_Wooseok_?” Seungyeon prods further, the shit-eating grin on his face beckoning Jinhyuk’s fists to pay it a visit. Seungyeon should be eternally grateful for the fact that he’s the company’s senior producer, and has practically known Jinhyuk since his idol days, or else he would’ve ended up in the hospital long ago. _And Jinhyuk may or may not be the person who puts him in it_.

  
“Come on, Jinhyuk.” Seungyeon sighs, returning to a professional stance. “Wooseok has a good eye when it comes to recruitment, you know that. And may I remind you that you were the one who hired him in the first place.”

  
Jinhyuk nods in defeat. He can’t deny that Wooseok is very observant and intuitive. In fact, he was the one who recommended they take in Somi and Mina, two current members of Sunshin’s first idol group I.O.I.. Needless to say, the girls proved Wooseok’s instincts to be nothing but right, as the girl group is rising higher and higher on the charts since their debut two years ago.

As former teammates, Jinhyuk and Wooseok know each other like the back of their hands. So asking him to be in the judge panel should be a piece of cake. _But it isn’t_, and Jinhyuk would rather throw himself out the window than go to human resources and _talk to his ex_. _Yes, Kim Wooseok is_, _hold up_, _was Jinhyuk’s boyfriend._ _Of eight whole years_, might Jinhyuk add. _Not to be precise or anything._

  
“I’ll send him an email.”

  
Seungyeon looks at him with mild distaste. “You’re kidding right?”

  
“Well”, he grunts, “What do you want me to do?

  
Seungyeon rolls his eyes. “I don’t know, go and talk to him? You do realize HR is three floors away right?”

  
_ Well. Fuck._

* * *

  
“Welcome to Sunshin. I’m Kim Minjoo, HR’s secretary. Koo Jungmo, right?” A pretty girl in her 20s greets Jungmo. He nods and the girl hands him his staff card, beckoning Jungmo to follow her into the HR office.

Jungmo’s more than thrilled to have gotten the job as assistant manager. He knows Sunshin is a great agency and that the executive director is Lee Jinhyuk, former rapper of Up10tion. (_And Jungmo’s bias. Slash love of his life. Slash favorite rapper of all time._) He just hopes his coworkers are as friendly as Jinhyuk.

  
_ Obviously, he was wrong._

  
The moment Jungmo steps into the department office, a chill runs down his spine. Whether it’s the air conditioner on full blast or the eery silence, he doesn’t know.

Scanning his surroundings, Jungmo notices a few desks in the open area, all occupied except one, which he giddily accepts as his own. Following Minjoo, who impatiently waves at him, Jungmo is led to one of the occupied desks.

A girl with large, intimidating eyes glances up at him, and it takes every bit of his guts not to bolt out of the office right then and there.

“This is Jieqiong noona. She’s one of our managers,” Minjoo introduces, and Jungmo swallows thickly as he shakes Jieqiong’s hand. _Jesus save me._

Minjoo points at the desk beside Jieqiong’s and another girl, also sporting a stoic expression, might Jungmoo mention, looks up at the newcomer.

“That is Nayoung noona. She’s the senior manager of our—“ Minjoo pauses as she notes Jungmo’s terrified expression, and her own face quickly turns into one of amusement. “_Department_.” She finishes. Nayoung gives a polite smile to Jungmo and the boy returns an equally tight one.

Jieqiong watches the exchange and laughs, face breaking into a teasing smile.

  
“Already so petrified?” She clicks her tongue. “_You haven’t even met the big boss yet._”

  
Just as Jungmoo is about to zoom out of the office, the door to a room beside the desks opens. Jungmoo imagines an eight-foot satan stepping out, but the actual image makes his jaw drop.

  
A man wearing a white dress shirt with a frilly collar steps out, and Jungmo swears _there are actual rays of light radiating off his face._ Doe eyes, button nose, and a slender figure, the man could actually put some of those so-called visuals on the market to shame.

  
The man was impeccably beautiful. And most importantly, he was _Kim Freaking Wooseok_, former vocalist of Up10tion and the most pretty of all idols. (_After Jinhyuk of course_.)  
Jungmo doesn’t notice that he’s still gaping until Minjoo reaches up and slaps his chin. He immediately straightens his back and bows, experiencing what he considers the greatest crisis of his life.

“He-Hello, I am Koo Jungbo, _I mean Mo_, and I’m the new assistant manager. Nice to meet me. _Wait, I mean you_.” Jungmo physically cringes at his own stuttering, and he hears Jieqiong trying to hold in her cackling.

Wooseok looks at him with a stern face, scanning Jungmo from head to toe. _Oh my god. I’m going to get fired_.

“Koo Jungmo?” Wooseok asks, and Jungmo nods so hard that Minjoo was beginning to worry about their newcomer’s head falling off.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Kim Wooseok, HR director,” he holds out his hand for Jungmo to shake.

_ Holy shit. I’m going to shake Kim Wooseok’s hand. I’m going to shake his motherfreaking hand. Breathe Jungmo, breathe–_

Minjoo clears her throat, snapping Jungmo out of his mini trance. He steps forward and shakes Wooseok’s hand, heart thumping with excitement. He’s going to work with one of his favorite vocalists of all times. _Talk about a dream job._

“I assume you’ve met Jieqiong and Nayoung?” Wooseok nods his head at the two managers. “You’ll be working closely with them from now on, so don’t be afraid to ask them for help if you have any questions.”

“Don’t worry boss, we’ll take good care of him,” Jieqiong replies teasingly, and Jungmo melts a little bit at the way Wooseok’s expression softens. He hopes that one day he’d be close enough to tease Wooseok too. But for now, he’s more than happy to work for the man.

“Thank you,” Jungmo bows to his seniors. “And thank you, Wooshin—_I mean Kim Wooseok shi_. No, I mean boss. Oh my god,I’m so sorry. You probably don’t know, but I was, still am, a huge Honey10. And you’re like my favourite singer, _well other than Jinhyuk_, I mean CEO Lee, and—_Damn it, I’m getting fired aren’t I_?” Jungmo winces at his blabbering, watching as the girls all raise their eyebrows in amusement.

Deafening silence fills the room for a moment before Wooseok lets out a small giggle, and Jungmo watches as the girls all wordlessly coo at their boss. _Same._

“You’re definitely a breath of fresh air,” Wooseok breaks into a friendly, eased manner. Jungmo thanks the gods and sighs in relief.

“I’m so embarrasing,” he covers his face in shame, wincing harder when he hears Minjoo’s airy laughter.

“Maybe. _But you’re pretty cute_,” Wooseok replies nonchantely. He proceeds to walk past Jungmo, but not before giving the assistant manager a pat on his shoulders. Jungmo thinks he might die from a heart attack.

“You should start by familiarizing yourself with the company’s staff and trainees. Minjoo will give you our employment file. Read through it and report back to me tomorrow,” Wooseok gets into business, and Jungmo nods seriously.

“Where are you heading?” Nayoung asks, eyes skimming through what seems to be the contents of a document.

“PR. I have something to discuss with Minhyun hyung,” Wooseok replies, already heading out of the office. As he reaches the entrance, the door swings open and a tall figure steps in.

_ Jungmo tries hard to not wheeze._

Standing in front of Wooseok is Lee Jinhyuk in his six feet glory, hair dyed an ashy gray and a pair of thick rimmed glasses framing his sharp face. Six years had passed since Up10tion’s disbandment but the man is still breathtakingly gorgeous. _How is it fair, really?_

Jungmo watches as Jieqiong, Nayoung and Minjoo all bow to their CEO and he follows quickly, taking note of Wooseok’s still figure. Of course they’re pass the formalitlies. _They were teammamates for seven years._

“_I’m busy_,” Wooseok throws out. Jungmo notices the cold tone in his voice. Jinhyuk exhales deeply, placing his hands in the pockets of his coat.

“I just need a minute. It’s about the auditions next week.”

Jungmo looks around the office and is surprised to see the girls all at their desks, typing into their computers furiously. _It’s almost like they want to be invisible to their bosses._

Jinhyuk drinks in the other’s silence and takes off his glasses, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. He looks beyond exhausted and Jungmo wonders how much work Jinhyuk has to deal with on a daily basis.

Wooseok watches Jinhyuk’s worn out appearance for a moment before nodding in defeat, turning around to enter his room with Jinhyuk following closely behind him. Jungmo gapes a little bit when Jinhyuk smiles at him, but he’s way too shocked to process the gesture and his curiosity about the two former groupmates is getting the best of him.

As the door to Wooseok’s office shuts, Minjoo lets out a soft squeak, tough demeanour long gone since the CEO’s arrival.

“I swear one day boss is going to strangle him,” Jieqiong tuts, head shaking in disapproval.

Minjoo nods in agreement and hands Jungmo the employment file, gesturing for the boy to sit at his desk. Jungmo plops himself onto the chair, head still swarming with thoughts on Wooseok and Jinhyuk. Before he can stop himself, Jungmo open his mouth and asks, “What’s with the two of them?”

The girls look at each other for a moment, contemplating whether or not to tell Jungmo the truth. Nayoung breaks the silence by sighing, looking at Jungmo with a grave expression.

“It’s not our story to tell. But as you know, they were both in Up10tion. They’ve always been close, and sajang-nim explictly asked for boss to be hired as our company’s HR director. Sadly, something bad happened between them and now they’re both in a pretty hostile relationship,” Nayoung explains, tapping her pen on the desk.

“I’m sure boss will tell you about it soon, the whole company practically knows, and that’s why we’re all tiptoeing around the two of them,” Minjoo adds.

Jungmo nods understandingly. He might still be freaking out about his boss’s idenitity, but his years as a Honey10 has taught him, if anything, about the importance of respect and personal boundaries. Reaching for the file, he flips through the faces of the company’s trainees, eyes fixed upon their profiles and photos. Wooseok did give him a task after all and he’s not going to disappoint.

He’s just about halfway through memorizing them when Wooseok’s loud voice rings through the office.

  
“Yah you dim-witted doofus! Of course I need to be there, it’s my job!_ I can’t believe I actually dated you for eight years._ My brain cells are dying Lee Jinhyuk!”

_ Date? Eight years?_

Jieqiong and Nayoung exchange an exasperated look over their shoulders, looking at Jungmo who was gaping like a fish out of the water. _So much for keeping it discreet_.

  
“Oops. Guess the cat is out of the bag. Happy first day newbie,” Jieqiong shrugs.

  
_ Jungmo thinks he’s really going to faint this time._


	2. In my blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooseok receives an unexpected opportunity. Jinhyuk contemplates where their relationship stands, and Seungyeon delivers some bad news to Jinhyuk.
> 
> "Help me, it's like the walls are caving in  
Sometimes I feel like giving up  
But I just can't  
It isn't in my blood"
> 
> -In My Blood, Shawn Mendes (2018)

Jinhyuk smiles as he pops a confetti canon, watching its contents hover in the air for a second before landing on his members.

“Happy 4th Anniversary once again!” Jinhoo yells, grinning at the camera. To celebrate Up10tion’s 4th Anniversary the group had decided to do a Vlive. Within an hour the whole thing had escalated into chaos, and somewhere between the cake and hide-and-seek, Yein had busted a lung trying to sing Speechless two keys higher, Minsoo had tried to freestyle rap again (and failed as expected), and Jinhyuk is now left with a mild headache.

Now it was time for each member to close the segment by giving a short message to both the members and fans. They’ve done it countless times, on music shows and interviews, but Jinhyuk finds each time to be more meaningful than the last. They were growing up as artists, and so were people who support them. Each message contained more depth and understanding than the last, so Jinhyuk found these moments to be especially precious.

Starting from Jinhoo, the members each relayed their own thoughts into words, some thanking each other for the emotional support and others for their fan’s unconditional love. Soon it was Jinhyuk’s turn to speak and he stayed silent for a moment, collecting his thoughts.

“When I think about the team and Honey10s, I’m proudest of how we’ve matured together. Us as artists, and of course as men, and how you all have learnt to look at the world in a broader light. It feels really good to realize that our support for each other has allowed us to flourish into better individuals. And as our music diversifies and we begin to venture on new projects, we hope that you guys will continue to look forward to our work. Thank you,” He finishes off cleanly, and the members applaud at his sagacious words.

“That’s sweet. Wooshin, it’s your turn,” Kuhn prods, and Jinhyuk finds his head snapping towards said member. Wooseok holds his stare for a moment, eyes misty and Jinhyuk sees the glimmer of tears threatening to spill. He freezes for a second, taken aback by Wooseok’s vulnerability. As much as the younger pretends to be aloof, he’s really a sensitive soul to the core. Tears, however, were a rare occasion to be seen.

Wooseok opens his mouth to speak, shaky voice resonating across the room. “I always tell you guys I love you, and it’s true. Whenever it gets a bit too difficult to go on your cheers keep me motivated. It reminds me that people are out there loving what I love, enjoying what I do. But recently, I realized that I don’t express my gratitude towards the members as much as I should, and I—“ Wooseok’s voice cracks a little, and the members are all alarmed at the sight of Wooseok wiping his eyes with his sleeves. Kuhn moves his hand to Wooseok’s back, stroking the boy comfortingly and encouraging him to continue.

“I just want to say thank you. I know I’m not good with words, and I look like I hate you guys half of the time,” Wooseok hears Minsoo chuckle, “But you guys are all precious to me, you’re my family and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He finishes his speech and huffs, cheeks puffed up and returning to his usual prideful demeanor. The members erupt into coos and proceed to ruffle Wooseok’s hair, giving him suffocating hugs and kisses. Hwanhee, of course, gets strangled by Wooseok.

After the Vlive ends, the members stay behind to clean up the mess they made. Jinhyuk moves to Wooseok’s side automatically, and the boy looks up at him with a small smile. Jinhyuk finds himself grinning back. Wooseok is tiny (_Do not ever let him know Jinhyuk said that_), and he’s got an innocent face with gorgeous features, but Wooseok’s personality is BIG. He’s fiesty, tough and will not hesistate to karate chop any idiot who calls him short. Wooseok is strong, yet he’s also extremely emotional, and it’s this kind of duality that Jinhyuk finds endearing. He can’t help but want to protect Wooseok, and it’s become a habit of his to silently guard over the other. Jinhyuk’s loud and bubbly, but give him a Wooseok and he’s a grown up man.

“Hey you,” Wooseok muses, handing Jinhyuk a broom. He begins sweeping absent-mindedly, moving the confetti to one side.

“Hey you, _cry baby_,” Jinhyuk teases, earning a whack on his arm with Wooseok’s broom. He laughs, knowing it’s how the younger shows his affection.

“You’re the baby who cries over Frozen,” Wooseok insists, and the two look at each other. They’ve gotten much closer over the past four years, with the tension between them having melted into a sincere friendship. Jinhyuk’s heart beats _a little_ faster than usual when he sees Wooseok, but he won’t register the foreign feeling until a while later, when he realizes the warmth in his chest comes from something _entirely different than brotherhood_.

Jinhyuk breaks their staredown and clears his throat, nudging Wooseok with his own broom. “You’re the one who willingly watches it with me.” Wooseok chuckles and shrugs, and Jinhyuk feels the pit-pat in his chest again, filling him up with fondness.

Deeming the area tidy enough, Wooseok moves to another part of the room, but not before turning around and sticking out his tongue at Jinhyuk like a petulant child.

“I only do it to get pictures of your ugly crying Jinhyuk.”

“_Yah_!”

* * *

  
It’s been a week since Jungmo started his job at Sunshin, and apart from the incident with Wooseok and Jinhyuk (which he still finds unbelievable by the way), his time at the company has been peaceful so far.

Until now.

“No! _I told you explicitly that they have to sit at least 3 feet apart_! Do you want to get me fired?” Minjoo semi-yells into the phone, startling Jungmoo who was working on his computer. Jieqiong lets out a soft curse under her breath. Minjoo continues the phone call for another minute before hanging up grumpily, huffing and burying her hands in her hair. Jungmo feels sorry for the girl.

“What’s wrong?” He asks cautiously. Minjoo sighs and looks at him.

“The dumbass from downstairs messed up the sitting chart for the auditions tomorrow, and now boss is sitting right next to sajang-nim and I think I’m getting fired,” Minjoo rants, grabbing fistfuls of her hair.

Jieqiong lets out a low whistle. “You’re in big trouble missy,” she adds, earning a half-hearted glare from the secretary.

“Hush Jieqiong,” Nayoung silences her coworker, “Boss is not going to be happy, but you’re not going to get fired over something like this Minjoo,” She reasons, and Minjoo nods dejectedly.

“_Something like what_?” All of them jump in surprise as their heads snap towards the open office door, Wooseok’s head poking out. Minjoo squeaks and the other girls return to their work, leaving Minjoo to defend herself. _So_ _much for being friends._

“Hi boss, how is your day?” Minjoo smiles weakly, and Wooseok stares at her like she’s grown three heads.

“Bad, and it’d be worse if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” Minjoo winces.

“I’m sorry, _the dumb—I mean Eunsang-shi _from downstairs messed up the sitting chart for tomorrow. I asked for you to be put next to Seungwoo-shi but for some reason you’ve ended up next to sajang-nim,” Minjoo bows lightly, apoligizing for her mishap. Wooseok stays silent briefly, shaking his head afterwards.

“It’s fine Minjoo.” Jungmoo sees Jieqiong’s eyebrows raise at the statement. _Fine my ass_.

“Boss?” Minjoo asks incredulously. Wooseok shakes his head again.

“It’s not a big deal. We’re both adults and we run a company together. We can be professional,” He explains, walking over to Jieqiong’s desk with a file in hand. Jungmo expects him to drop it on her desk, but Wooseok whacks her head with the file instead. Jieqiong whines in pain and Nayoung laughs.

“Stop laughing and get to work. I don’t pay you to laugh at my miserable life.”

Rubbing the back of her head, Jieqiong grumbles, “_This is work abuse_.” Wooseok throws her a dirty glance and walks back to his office.

“You think he’s going to be okay?” Minjoo asks, chewing on her lip worriedly.

“Don’t fret. Boss is,” Jieqiong’s voice then turns into a whisper, “_Kind of dramatic_, but he’s also super good at his job.” Nayoung hums in agreement. “Plus, we’re all betting on them making up before the end of the year,” Jieqiong adds, turning to Jungmo with a sinister smile, “_You should see the way sajang-nim eye fucks boss when he’s not looking.”_

“Jieqiong!”

* * *

  
Wooseok enters the elevator and presses the button for fifth floor, enjoying his few moments of silence. He had received a call from Seungyeon earlier on, asking the HR director to pay the recording booth a visit. I.O.I. will be having their comeback soon and Seungyeon wants the former idol to give feedback on the group’s progress. The elevator reaches his floor and he walks out, heading to the studios quickly.

Pushing open the door, Wooseok spots Seungyeon sitting in front of the booth, talking into the mic with Yoojung on the other side. His eyes widen momentarily as he registers another figure sitting next to the producer. _Lee Freaking Jinhyuk. Just another thing to add to his already hectic day._

“Wooseok! Just in time for the chorus.” Seungyeon turns around, patting the seat beside him.

“_What’s he doing here_,” Wooseok points at Jinhyuk bluntly, ignoring the surprised look on Mina’s face. Wooseok walks over to ruffle her hair before sitting down next to Seungyeon.

“Jinhyuk’s a rapper. I figured Yoojung could use some advice from him,” Seungyeon shrugs, ignoring the glare Wooseok sends his way. For a person with an innocent face, Wooseok can be terrifiying at times.

“_You were a rapper Seungyeon_,” Wooseok deadpans. Jinhyuk scoffs at the obvious sarcasm in Wooseok’s tone. _He used to tell me I was the best rapper_, Jinhyuk thinks sourly. _Not that I care_.

“Yeah, but I’m the better rapper.” The comment makes Seungyeon gasp, thoroughly offended. He pushes Jinhyuk’s chair further away from his own.

“Uh no? I just need you here for secondary input.” Wooseok laughs evily at the look of betrayal on his ex’s face. _Serves you right._

A small grunt breaks the three adults out of their childish banter. Wooseok looks over to see Sejeong hiding her grin. _God damn it, he’s here to work, not argue with Seungyeon and Jinhyuk like kindergraten students._

_ He swears spending time with these two idiots is making his brain deteriorate._

Jinhyuk sends him a meek grin as a peace offering and Wooseok contemplates reaching over to strangle the CEO. “_Okay. Let’s continue_,” Seungwoo interrupts, pushing Wooseok and Jinhyuk’s chairs a bit further apart. He’s sitting in the middle and he’s very much not ready to die yet.

The recording goes on smoothly, with a few tweaks here and there. The group’s concept for the comeback was somewhat of a mix between girl crush and femme fatale, with Seungyeon hoping to showcase a different side of the girls other than their usual bubbly music. Somi’s gotten a lot more confident about her singing and Wooseok can’t help but beam out of pride when the girl hits her high note. He misses the look Jinhyuk casts his way.

Sejeong finishes the final part of their song and walks out of the booth. Seungyeon claps his hands together in satisfaction. “Okay, that’s a wrap guys. Good job.” The girls all smile and bow to their bosses, echoing “thank you”s before leaving the room. Seungyeon lets out a tired sigh after they’re gone.

“I think I need a break,” he moans, slumping against his chair. Wooseok flicks the producer’s forehead lightly.

“You just had a break.”

“I need another one,” Seungyeon retorts. Jinhyuk snorts in response.

“The girls are doing well,” the CEO comments, feeling good about the song they had just recorded. “I think we may be ready to debut a new boy group soon.”

Seungyeon contemplates the idea for a while before agreeing. “That is workable. We don’t have a lot of male trainees, so it would be ideal to wait until auditions are over. More options.”

“We have a lot of strong dancers, but having a few more stable vocalists would improve the group,” Wooseok suggests. His peers bob their heads in accordance. After going through a few more ideas, the trio agrees on having a further discussion after the auditions. Wooseok gets up to leave but Seungyeon’s hand flies out to press him back into the seat.

“Is there any reason you’re detaining me here?” Seungyeon grins cheekily at the question.

“Maybe.” The producer reaches for his laptop and opens a file labelled “Top Secret”. Wooseok rolls his eyes at Seungyeon’s antics.

“I’ve been working on something during my break, and I’ve only told Jinhyuk about it.” Wooseok’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Something for the girls?” Seungyeon shakes his head in reply.

“_Something for you_.”

Wooseok thinks he’s going to combust from shock. He looks at the producer again to see if he’s only joking, but Seungyeon’s face is serious and strangely, flushed with a trace of excitement.

He opens his mouth to protest. There are a million thoughts running through his mind right now and he’s trying to make sense with his words. “_Seungyeon, I haven’t_—“

“Sang for a long time. Yes, yes, I know. But I was sitting in one of the parks in Kyoto one day, you know, the parks with all the cherry blossom trees blooming in April, and I just had this moment of epiphany. It’s a ballad, so don’t worry about dancing. I made sure the key and tone fits your voice well and I’ve already asked Sejeong to sing the demo for me a while ago. I know you miss performing and with all the work we’ve been receiving you haven’t had time to consider singing again. That’s why I made this song. Just give it a listen, Wooseok, I know you’ll love it,” Seungyeon insists. Wooseok nods silently, sitll uncertain about the suggestion.

Seungyeon presses the play button and a soft piano intro rings through the studio. As Sejeong’s voice adds into the melody, Wooseok finds himself immersed into the lyrics, the words echoing with the pains and joys of his own youth. He loves it, he does. _But does he have the courage to perform it on his own_? The song comes to an end and Seungyeon leans back on his chair to glance at Wooseok. “So, did you like it?”

_Wooseok feels his heart thumping. He misses performing on stage, and if anything his voice has gotten even lovelier with age, so a song or two shouldn’t scare the former idol so much. But he’s nervous, unsure about how the public would react to his sudden reappearance. He’s been keeping a low profile ever since he started working behind the scenes, and the thought of singing again in front of a crowd makes his hands clammy._

Wooseok doesn’t even notice his own panicked expression until a hand shakes his shoulders lightly. He looks down to see Jinhyuk kneeling by his side, eyes overflowing with concern. He wants to speak but his throat is all tight and dry.

“_It’s ok if you don’t want to Seok_.” Jinhyuk draws comforting circles onto his shoulders, helping the younger relax. Wooseok takes a while to calm down, hands unconciously reaching up to grab Jinhyuk’s in the process. Seungyeon notices the gesture but doesn’t comment on it.

“I do—I want to,” Wooseok says softly, head hanging in defeat. _Music runs in his blood. It’s the only thing other than Jinhyuk that he can’t deny._

“But you’re scared?” Jinhyuk proposes gently, his other free hand moving to thread through Wooseok’s hair when the younger bobs his head. “Seok ah there’s nothing to be scared of. You sing like an angel and you put so much soul into whatever you perform. People would be thrilled to know that you’re still following your dreams.”

_ He’s right_, Wooseok muses. _It was and still is his dream. He might have left his idol days behind but he will always be a singer. It’s part of who he is._

Wooseok looks down at his and Jinhyuk’s interwined hands. He yells at the other all the time, and is petty and childish when Jinhyuk brings up their relationship, but their hands still fit perfectly together. His heart unconsciously warms at the idea of Jinhyuk cheering on him from the audience, with a stupid grin adorning his face. Wooseok realizes it’s a bad habit, to envision Jinhyuk in his future even when they’re not together anymore, but he can’t help it. The habit formed from years and years of having the older by his side. It’s part of the reason why he’s in such a turmoil, feeling so lost after their break up. He wishes he was stronger.

“Sure Seungyeon, I’d love to be the artist to your song,” He glances up to see Seungyeon’s face break into an animated grin. “Only after we’re done with auditions though.” The producer whines out loud.

Jinhyuk lets out a small sigh of relief, but doesn’t pull his hand away.

* * *

  
“So, can I assume you two are on the way of patching things up?” Seungyeon speaks into his phone, fumbling to enter the passcode for his house. He hears an uncertain, choked noise on the other end.

“I don’t know,” Jinhyuk sighs wistfully. He knows things are rocky between him and Wooseok, but the incidient today gave him a tiny glimmer of hope. They’re in a weird relationship. They bicker and fight, and Wooseok glares at him with the same murderous look as he used to when they were trainees, but it’s obvious the two still love each other deeply and it confuses the heck out of Jinhyuk. He misses Wooseok, he wants Wooseok. But he also knows it would take a while before he gets over his own pride and the younger chooses to completely forgive him. Even then, he wasn’t sure if their relationship could go back to what it was before the fight.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Don’t think I didn’t notice him grabbing your hands today. And you called him Seok. I haven’t heard that since you two broke up.” Jinhyuk sighs again. Seungyeon can be even more meddlesome than his mother sometimes. And that says a lot.

“We dated for eight years, Seungyeon. We’ve known each other for thirteen. _Those feelings don’t just go away_.”

“Jesus christ, Jinhyuk. _Why do they need to go away? _And please do not say it’s because of the fight. It might seem like a big deal right not but trust me, ten years later you’d look back and realize how stupid it was to break up over something that could be solved,” Seungyeon protests, ranting and raving into the phone like an ahjumma calling her best friend about a new episode of Desperate Housewives. Jinhyuk thinks he might die from a head explosion.

“_I can’t wait for ten years_. What if we both fall out of love by then? I mean, I probably won’t, but Wooseok might.” He hears an offended gasp on the other end of the call.

“Have some faith in your lover won’t you? What happened to Mr. Optimistic Lee Jinhyuk huh? You used to be so sure of Wooseok’s feelings.”

“_Adulthood happened_. Don’t you think I want us to reconcile? I’ve literally been trying to apologize since February. _It’s freaking July_.”

Seungyeon clicks his tongue disapprovingly. “Good things come to those with patience. Plus, your definition of apologizing is kind of vague.”

“Seungyeon, I’ve called and texted a dozen times. I try to talk to him at work but every time he just refuses to acknowledge anything I say except about work. I have no clue what to do, _we’ve never gotten into a fight so big before_.”

“You understand why he got so upset about the fight, and you know you haven’t exactly addressed the problem yet, so I suggest you do so instead of bombarding him with apologies and no closure.” There’s a brief moment of silence on Jinhyuk’s side.

“You’re right…” Jinhyuk sighs. “I was an asshole that night, I have to make things right.”

“_You better_,” Seungyeon pauses, “_Because you won’t be the only one trying to win Wooseok over._” Jinhyuk’s heart drops at the statement. He knows what Seungyeon is implying but he wished he didn’t.

“_No. Nope. No way_,” Jinhyuk shakes his head feverishly. His head is pounding like hell and he wishes Wooseok was there to kiss it better.

“Oh yes,” Seungyeon continues, a dash of playfulness in his voice. _No no no no_, Jinhyuk panics. He’s already dreading the outcome of this conversation. 

“Please tell me you’re joking.” He gets a half-hearted sigh from Seungyeon.

“I’m sorry to tell you Jinhyuk, but Kim Yohan is back.”

And just like that, Jinhyuk feels like his worst nightmare just came true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun Dun... What's Yohan's deal with Wooseok? And what's the big fight all about? Most importantly, when will Seungyeon stop nagging like a middle-aged lady?🤭 Stay tuned to find out! (P.S. Brownie points to whoever guesses the song Seungyeon composed for Wooseok)
> 
> Thank you for reading💕See you soon!


	3. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooseok meets an unexpected visitor, auditions are held, and Weishin shares a bittersweet moment together.
> 
> "Wherever I am, I’m always yours  
I’ll always give you a back hug by your side  
I’ll hang on you like a bear, I’ll embrace your back  
I will always protect you"
> 
> -Always, Produce 101 S2 (2017)

Ignoring Wooseok’s millionth warning, Jinhyuk proceeds to stuff his face with samgyeopsal, moaning as his stomach sings happily in welcome of the oily goodness. He’s been dieting for months now and who cares if he’s gorging like a pig. _Well maybe he does, just a little_. _He’d like Wooseok to think of him as manly and charming, at the least_. Said boy sighs across the table, taking out his phone and snapping a picture of Jinhyuk’s (unappealing) table manners. The older’s eyes widen before he swallows, hands flapping in protest.

“Wooseok!”

“Just for future blackmailing,” The younger replies, lips curling into a slight grin that Jinhyuk recognizes as a sign of affection. He smiles back, lips glistening with oil from the pork dish. Wooseok shakes his head at the sight and let’s out a tiny giggle, the sound causing Jinhyuk’s heart to go pitter patter again. _It’s strange_, he thinks to himself. _My heart does that an awful lot these days_.

They spend the next hour filling their stomachs with delicious food, silently singing in joy at the taste of fried dumplings and grilled beef. They don’t get regular weight checks at the company anymore, but four years have taught them the importance of managing their own diets. It’s rare, to have days like these where they can eat without feeling the guilt weighing down on their shoulders.

After noticing the other’s mouth smeared with sauces, Wooseok lays out his own napkin and leans across the small table, dabbing at Jinhyuk’s mouth. He tries not to count Wooseok’s eyelashes given their close proximity. For whatever reason, Jinhyuk feels kind of giddy and warm, but it’s not a bad feeling at all, so the rapper shuts up and let’s the younger dote on him.

When he’s sure Jinhyuk doesn’t look like he just made out with some bulgogi, Wooseok pulls back from him, hands fumbling to fold the napkin on his lap again. Jinhyuk wonders if he’s hallucinating about the blush blooming on the other boy’s face. _Funny_.

“I have to wonder, whoever ends up being your wife should be warned about your dining etiquette. Or the lack thereof, actually,” Wooseok teases. Jinhyuk’s heart skips a beat at the statement and he clears his throat, folding his hands together.

“_About that_,” He says while scratching the back of his head sheepishly, “I think...Let’s see, I think I’m uhm...I think I may be....Yeah,” Wooseok watches him patiently, and Jinhyuk‘s initial anxiety fades away as he meets the younger’s gaze. He remembers all the times his friend has stood by him, moments where he was angry and upset and devastated at the world. It’s silly to be scared. _This is Kim Wooseok, and he’s the last person on earth who would turn his back on Jinhyuk_.

“_I think I am interested in people...Other than girls_,” He finishes. Wooseok’s face remains impassive until it breaks into a full fledged smile seconds later, and the rapper feels like his bones and muscles could melt into the ground with relief.

For as long as he could remember, Jinhyuk’s been struggling with his own sexuality, grappling to justify why his mind goes haywire whenever he sees boys. He admits his journey of self-discovery was far from rainbows and butterflies, having gone through a denial phase when he was barely 16. He had told himself that it was pretty girls he was attracted to and not boys like Kim Jaejoong who had a face sculpted by the gods. Jinhyuk still cringes when he recalls the stash of TVXQ magazines he had hidden under his bed.

He’s learnt to embrace it though, the fact that he’s interested in pursuing a relationship with the same sex. His parents have known for a long time, but they still dance around the topic occasionally. Jinhyuk’s grateful nevertheless, because it takes a lot of courage and love to accept something deemed so unconventional. He also knows they want grandchildren desperately, and their son’s job doesn’t exactly make it any easier.

“As in guys?” Jinhyuk nods dumbly in reply. Wooseok’s happy expression doesn’t falter a bit, and the older decides this is his favourite sight to see. The younger content, excited, and full of love. He’d die for this concept anytime soon.

“Well that’s good to know, _because so am I_,” Wooseok shrugs, tone nonchalant, his own confession unexpected and straightforward. Jinhyuk’s mildly startled, but then he recounts the younger having never shown any interest in the opposite sex. Wooseok is a discreet person, but that doesn’t mean he’s dishonest. He let’s himself be read like an open book by those he trusts, and Jinhyuk is one of the few privileged to do so.

“Are your parents fine with it?” Wooseok’s an only child, and his parents are on the stricter side, so seeing the vocalist so open about it comes as sort of a surprise.

“Fine to the extent where they leave me alone about it,” Wooseok shrugs again. “They don’t think it’s something to be proud of, and they certainly won’t be announcing it to the entire neighborhood, but we’re family and I know they love me regardless.” Jinhyuk hums in agreement. Where they live is defined as modern and cultured, but it’s people are still bound to centuries of traditions and stereotypes. There’s still a lot to be done before people like them can be seen in something other than a tainted light.

“When did you know?”

“A long time ago, probably before I became a trainee. My friends wondered why I never crushed on any of the popular girls at school. I just had a hunch. Didn’t acknowledge it until we debuted though.”

“_Well, maybe I was your sexual awakening_,” Jinhyuk pouts as the boy reaches over to punch his shoulder.

“You wish, I’m pretty sure it was one of the SHINee members. Plus, I’m not exactly in the position to jump in joy because of it, you know that.”

The rapper reaches over to grab Wooseok’s hands, rubbing his thumbs over the younger’s delicate palms. The soothing gesture earns Jinhyuk a smile.

“_It’s not something to be ashamed of Seok_,” he insists. “I know we have our fans and family to think about, but this is who we are. It’s not selfish to give others a glance at our true selves. If they love us, _they’ll have to love all of us_. Not just our looks or our talents.”

“I know,” Wooseok responds, noting how the atmosphere has turned into a solemn one. He slaps Jinhyuk’s hand lightly, teasing, “_Although gay or not, you’re not landing a date any time soon_.”

“I don’t really care. I’ll just marry you if I’m still single at 35.” Jinhyuk’s not lying. The prospect of being married to the younger really isn’t a bad one at all. He almost likes the sound of it, to be honest.

“_Yah_, I have standards too you know,” Wooseok proceeds to flick a bottle cap at his friend, smirking when the idiot tries to duck.

_I suppose it’s not a bad idea_, the boy reasons to himself._ I could use a slave after all_.

* * *

  
Wooseok bites into his bagel, letting the warmth and sweetness comfort his stomach. Yesterday’s incident in the studio took quite the toll on his emotions, leaving him without much appetite after getting home last night. Having woken up extra early this morning, his stomach is now growling in hunger.

Deciding to take a second bite, Wooseok raises the bagel to his lips just as the doorbell rings. He huffs a little grumpily, annoyed that his nice and quiet morning had been interrupted. He puts down the heavenly pastry, walking over to the door with light, quick steps. Assuming it was Seungwoo to pick him up for work, Wooseok flings the door open and mutters a quick hello, absentmindedly turning around to head back into the kitchen.

_He’s about three or four steps away from the door when a pair of arms wraps around his waist_, a loud squeak coming out of his mouth. Startled, Wooseok looks up, letting out a breathy gasp when he finally recognizes the figure who’s back-hugging him. Not that it’s uncomfortable, but he feels like one of those characters in a cheesy romantic drama.

“_Yohan_.”

Said boy smiles at him gently, eyes turned into tiny crescents. “Hey hyung.” He unwraps himself from Wooseok and turns the older around, placing his hands on Wooseok’s shoulders. “I’m back.”

Wooseok smiles brightly at him, their joyful expressions mirroring each other’s. “I see that, genius. Would it kill you to give me a little warning next time? I’m still 33 and not ready to die from a heart attack.” He receives an embarrassed grin in return. “I take it the tournament has ended?”

Yohan nods enthusiastically in response. The boy had been in Japan for a whole year, training and participating in one of Asia’s biggest Taekwondo tournaments.

“It ended last week. I stayed behind for a couple more days for sightseeing. Japan’s stunning in spring, but it’s equally beautiful in summer.” Wooseok listens to the younger as he babbles about his trip excitedly, fondness written all over his own face. He waits until Yohan finishes to ask him about the tournament.

“Did you do well?” Yohan nods again, sporting a proud look. He reaches into his pocket to pull out a gold medal, the shiny object glowing in the soft morning light.

“Placed 1st in the entire continent. Wasn’t easy, almost broke my toe some point in the competition. Slightly traumatizing, but I pulled through anyways. _And I wouldn’t have been able to do so without you hyung_,” Yohan reaches for Wooseok’s hand, placing the medal in his palm. The older shakes his head immediately, refusing to take the prize.

“Yohan ah, I can’t take this. It’s your medal. You earned it with your own blood, sweat and tears.”

“Yeah, and _it was you_ who motivated those blood, sweat and tears. You told me you’d fly over and kick my butt if I didn’t win,” Yohan teased, pretending to shudder at the memory. Wooseok rolls his eyes in fake annoyance, slender fingers moving to flick the athlete’s forehead.

“I wasn’t joking. But I knew you would win you idiot. I’ve seen you play, remember? You’re good.” Wooseok tiptoes to ruffle Yohan’s hair, internally cursing his own height. _Just a few more inches would’ve been nice you know_.

After a couple dozen times of trying and failing to return the medal, Wooseok gives up and accepts the gift with an exasperated sigh, tying it around his bag. Yohan lingers behind him, eyes shining at the sight of his prize on Wooseok’s briefcase. He’s about to tell Wooseok it looks good when a cough comes from the doorway, slender figure leaning against the entrance. Seungwoo waves at Yohan somewhat sheepishly.

“Yohan-shi, nice to see you again. I’m sorry to interrupt, but Wooseok and I have to head over to work now. We’re holding our auditions today.”

Yohan shakes his head. “No problem at all, we were just catching up.” He turns to Wooseok again, enveloping the older in a tight hug before letting him go. “See you hyung. We should hang out sometime, maybe grab dinner together this week. Text me ok?” And with that, he waves goodbye to Wooseok, bowing at Seungwoo politely before slipping out the door. Wooseok stares at his back for a moment before grabbing his suitcase, following his friend out of the house and into his car.

He ignores the suggestive look Seungwoo throws him.

* * *

  
“_So, Yohan’s back_.”

It takes the vocal trainer exactly three red lights and a honk before he cracks, turning to face Wooseok who’s sitting comfortably next to him in the passenger’s seat. Wooseok sends him an unamused look.

“You’ve been waiting to pry this whole time, haven’t you?”

Seungwoo let’s out an airy laughter, taking one of his hands off the steering wheel to pat Wooseok on the shoulder reassuringly. “I don’t pry, Wooseok. I simply inquire.”

“Uh huh, don’t think I didn’t notice your eyebrows the moment you saw Yohan in the house. They were raised so high they practically disappeared in your bangs. Speaking of hair, _trim it_. I’m beginning to worry you’ll go blind soon with those long bangs poking at your eyes every day.”

“Wooseok, I can see fine,” The older chuckles at the half-hearted insult. “I’m still driving aren’t I?” The younger scoffs, slapping Seungwoo’s hand off his own shoulder.

“Yes, and endangering my life. How is Sunhwa noona not worried about you driving Jinwoo around with those invasive _weeds_ on your forehead?”

“For the record, Jinwoo loves my hair.”

“Jinwoo loves everything. He’s four and he’s a sweetheart.” Wooseok retorts, and the two friends laugh over their mutual fondness for Seungwoo’s nephew.

“_Speaking of love_,” Wooseok groans. “Is Yohan staying for good this time?” _Not prying my ass_.

“I guess? I didn’t even know he was back until this morning.” Seungwoo hums slyly in reply, taking a left turn. Wooseok raises his eyebrow at the older’s evocative gesture.

“We’re just friends.”

“Friends that could turn into more.”

Wooseok lets out a deep sigh, wondering whether he should jump out of the car or not. It’s 9am and he’s not awake enough to have this conversation._ “Seungwoo_—_“_

“Yes, yes, I know. Jinhyuk’s the one and you’ll love him forever and ever,” Seungwoo ignores the dirty glance that’s sent his way. “But just consider him as an option okay? _He’s good for you_.”

He’s not blind. Yohan might be a few years younger than himself but he’s just as responsible and caring. _On top of that, he makes his own feelings for Wooseok pretty damn clear_. Wooseok knows he’ll make a great boyfriend. The only problem is he’s been treating the other as his own brother for years, and he’s not sure if that’s ever going to change. _Also, stupid Jinhyuk and their complicated relationship_.

“I might as well stay single for the rest of my life, spare myself from all the trouble. Why is dating such a hassle anyways?” Wooseok complains, leaning forward to bump his forehead against the dashboard. He hears the driver beside him chuckle.

“Everything’s a hassle in life, Wooseok. Dating’s just a little messier. Don’t be afraid of it,” Seungwoo pauses as he pulls into the company’s parking lot. “Whatever you choose, I’m always on your side.” The younger throws him a grateful smile, touched at his own thoughtful words.

“You better be. Jinwoo loves me.”

“Jinwoo_ loves everything. He’s four and he’s a sweetheart_.” Wooseok scoffs as he slaps his friend hard on the back.

“Using my own words against me. Han Seungwoo, you’ve gone over to the dark side.” They share a couple more jokes before walking into the building, heading towards the audition room. Wooseok hopes they’ll at least be lucky and run into a few good singers.

* * *

  
Turns out, he had nothing to worry about. A quick walk pass the waiting room shows dozens of hopeful, energetic kids searching for their own big breaks. Wooseok remembers his own audition, the wait painfully long compared to the actual time he spent auditioning. It was almost unbearable then, but looking back the experience has grew into nothing but a fond memory.

The judging panel consists of six people: Jinhyuk, of course, takes up one of the spots as executive director. Seungyeon takes another as the company’s senior producer, silently mapping out potential genres for trainees they decide to take in. Chungha, every trainee’s favorite dance trainer, is seated next to Seungwoo, every trainee’s most feared  
vocal trainer (Jinhyuk tells him to lay off the kids a little but Seungwoo insists he’s not torturing any of them.) Soyeon, their first female solo artist, also takes up a spot as rap advisor. Wooseok finishes the lineup as the HR director and former idol. If anything, the panel’s going to be harsh, so Wooseok hopes the kids have brought everything to the table today.

“You’re late,” Jinhyuk turns to give Seungwoo the stink eye. The vocal trainer gapes in return, pointing to the HR director sitting beside Jinhyuk.

“He’s late too, why are you only glaring at me?” For a second, Jinhyuk is taken aback. He’s about to open his mouth when Seungyeon beats him to it.

“_Well, have you had sex with him before? I don’t think so. Therefore, you get all the glar—Oof_!” The producer groans as Wooseok elbows him in the stomach, face scrunching up in pain. “_Ab—Abuse_!” He manages to choke out. Jinhyuk face palms but sees Wooseok smirking in triumph. He would’ve been turned on if they were still dating and in a more, say, _horizontal position_.

“We’re ready,” Byungchan announces to the panel, breaking the adults out of their childish exchange. Jinhyuk nods at his assistant and signals for the staff to bring the first candidate in. They all watch as a tall boy slips through the doors, hair parted in the middle framing his round and chubby cheeks. Wooseok glances down at his file, eyes widening when he sees that the (giant) boy is barely 16. _Jesus, what are they feeding children these days_?

“Nam Dohyun, 16 years old. Skills include rapping and creating a fun atmosphere,” Jinhyuk reads out, looking up to find Dohyun nodding assertively. Chungha smiles at his confidence. Of course they consider talent and appearance as major criteria, but more than often it’s a candidate’s demeanor that they pay attention to.

“Would you mind rapping a little for us?” Dohyun nods enthusiatically, stepping back a little before clearing his throat. The room is silent for a second or two until the boy starts to perform. As soon as the words begin to flow out of his mouth, Wooseok’s lips raise in an impressed grin. Dohyun’s young, but there’s no doubt that he’s good. Everything from his rhythm to diction oozes the vibe of a skilled rapper, and judging from Soyeon’s small smile, the boy also passes her standards. They all take notes on his performance, bobbing their heads in acknowledgment as Dohyun finishes his rap with a clean rhyme. There’s a brief pause before Jinhyuk speaks up.

“Thank you. You clearly have the strengths we need here at Sunshin.” He compliments Dohyun politely, but follows up with a solemn question. “In fact, you’ll make it into the Top 5 of SMTM with no trouble. _Why choose to be an idol_?”

Wooseok raises his eyebrow at the question, his gaze meeting Jinhyuk’s. They were both asked the exact same thing when they auditioned at Top Media. While Jinhyuk replied that the choice was a defiance against his heart condition, a chance to prove that he can push past boundaries despite being told that he wouldn’t be able to do so, Wooseok provided a different reason. Born in a middle-class family and raised by parents who were strict with good intentions, the former idol lived nothing but a complacent and comfortable life. Nothing really worried Wooseok, except the constant fear of dying without having done anything great. For once, he wanted to be spontaneous, to take risks and discover his own character. It was exactly his candid confession that prompted the company to accept him as a trainee.

Wooseok snaps out of his trip down memory lane, waiting patiently as Dohyun ponders over the question. There’s something so raw and innocent about the boy that reassures Wooseok whatever answer he comes up with would be a truthful one.

“Well I like music, I love rapping and I’m good at it,” He responds. “And to be honest, I can’t imagine myself anywhere other than on stage in the future.” Short and sincere, his answer reaches Wooseok’s heart with impact.

“It might take a year before you can debut. It might be three, five, even ten years before you can really stand on stage. Even if you do make it to the debut lineup, success is not always guarenteed,” Wooseok proposes, eyes fixed on the boy. Dohyun sends him an earnest smile.

“If that’s the case, I’m willing to take the risk. _Better spend my life waiting for something I love than regretting that I didn’t_.” There’s a flame in his eyes, burning with passion and hope. Wooseok’s reminded of a younger Jinhyuk, looking at his own reflection with the same blaze fuelled with dreams and resolution.

One look is all it takes for Wooseok to convince Jinhyuk of the boy’s worth.

“Thank you, Dohyun. I’m happy you’ve found something so precious to you at such a young age. We’ll contact you later for further information.” Seungwoo ends his audition with a pleasant grin, and Dohyun bows again before leaving the room.

“The kid’s good. Haven’t seen one like him in a long time,” Seungyeon muses.

Wooseok steals a glance at the person next to him. “_Haven’t seen someone with so much fire after Jinhyuk stomped through the stage when we were rookies_.” Said person groans in protest, but there’s an unmistakable amount of fondess in his eyes that Wooseok finds himself missing more than he should.

“_Stop_. It was once. And we were covering TVXQ! I was Yunho sunbae!” The judges laugh in mirth at the statement.

To Wooseok’s surprise, the audition goes by extremely quickly. There were a few bad seeds, of course, and one of the candidates even manages to annoy the good-tempered Chungha to the point where she stops him mid-performance. But overall, they’ve seen a bunch of kids with promising potential.

For one, there’s Son Dongpyo. He’s 18, looks 15, but he’s extra sharp than most people his age. The cute, naive face only serves to mask his blunt and witty character. _Not to mention Seungwoo has completely fallen in love with the little trickster, and who is Wooseok to say no to the vocal trainer_?

Then there’s Cha Junho, also 18 but exudes the aura of a polished idol well-acquainted with the industry. Junho is calm and composed, with above-average vocals that only require a tiny bit of tweaking. Seungwoo agrees that he could work with the boy’s voice easily.

Next on the list is Kim Sihun. He’s a little older than most of the other candidates but just a brief glance at his dancing has Chungha nodding avidly.

They also have their eyes on Kim Mingyu, whose visuals are clearly somewhat out of this world. Wooseok and Seungyeon are a bit doubtful about the boy’s dancing but Chungha reassures them it is only a matter of technique and control.

Wooseok is especially pleased with one of the candidates Song Yuvin, who Jinhyuk describes as a gem that’s not even hidden. There’s power and clarity in his voice that even long-time trainees can sometimes lack. Yuvin isn’t new to the industry as he had previously been a trainee under another company. He also tells the judges honestly that he considered the audition a fresh start for himself.

_And yes, without a doubt, there’s Lee Hangyul_. The moment he walks into the room Wooseok _swears_ he can see the hearts popping out of Seungyeon’s eyes. Tall, tanned, and screaming sexy, the 20 year old has both the producer and dance trainer swooning over his good looks. His voice too, is deep and thick, oozing with sensuality. Jinhyuk pinches Seungyeon to keep the producer from drooling.

Soon, they wrap up the auditions, and Byungchan heads to the waiting room and thanks all the candidates for their patience. He then reminds them that trainees who receive a call would need to return for a second evaluation. The kids all clap nervously, praying that their phones would ring a week from now.

* * *

By the time Wooseok returns to HR, Jungmo is the only one left in the office. Wooseok rubs his eyes tiredly and tells the boy that he’s free to go. To be completely honest, the assistant manager still acts like a fanboy around Wooseok sometimes, but the older finds it pretty adorable. Exhausted and famished, Wooseok decides to lock up and heads out to the lobby, only stopping when he sees the pouring rain outside.

_Shit. My umbrella. I don’t have it._

He’s just about to give up and wait by the door when a figure walks up to him. (_Or leans over to him, to be exact. Wooseok will be salty about his height until the day he dies, thank you very much._)

“Need a ride home?” Jinhyuk gestures to his parked car outside the building. Wooseok squints to search for the white convertible.

“I’m good.” He replies after a minute. Jinhyuk’s eyebrows furrow in exasperation as he lets out a long sigh.

“Seok, it’s raining like hell outside. You’re not going to see dry ground for at least the next three hours.” _Wooseok hates that the other is actually making sense._

“Come on, let me drive you back. Stop being a bitter baby.” Wooseok karate chops his neck.

“I’m bitter, but I’m not the baby, you are. Remind me again who sleeps in Frozen pajamas and brushes his teeth with an Elsa toothbrush again?”

“Me, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s also nothing wrong with me driving you back home since I’ve been doing it for the past 5 years. Now we can continue our argument in the car or you can be a stubborn baby and miss the 11 o’clock re-run of Boys Over Flowers.” Wooseok huffs in defeat. _Damn it. He needs to have his daily dose of Lee Minho’s ridiculous hairstyle on that show. _Jinhyuk smiles in victory at the younger’s response.

Opening his umbrella, Jinhyuk pulls Wooseok a little closer to his side, hands snaking around the other’s waist to usher him along. He claims that the umbrella is a little too small for the both of them. Wooseok thinks it’s just an excuse for Jinhyuk to touch him.

They both climb into the car clumsily, pants soaked and shoes squeaking on the floorboard. Jinhyuk quickly turns on the heater at the sight of Wooseok shivering, taking off his coat and laying it on the younger’s lap. Wooseok mutters a soft thanks and sends him a gentle smile. The ride home is unexpectedly peaceful, with Wooseok humming softly along to the radio and Jinhyuk focusing on driving in the rainy weather. They reach Wooseok’s house in no time, and the younger turns to thank Jinhyuk again. He reaches to unbuckle his seatbelt when a hand stops him. Wooseok looks up to see Jinhyuk leaning over, eyes trained somewhere below his own waist. Wooseok glances down and his heart stops for a moment.

_It’s Yohan’s medal, shining on the edge of his briefcase._

Jinhyuk’s not stupid. With Seungyeon’s warning and the glow on Wooseok’s face today he could easily piece together the pieces. There’s no doubt he’s seen the athelete today. There’s an ugly wretch in his heart when he wonders whether or not Wooseok’s being less defensive around him because of Yohan. He doesn’t want to hurt the man in front of him but jealously and frustration is knawing relentlessly at his own mind. Before he knows it, his forehead is pressed against the other’s, his long arms caging the other in.

“_You can’t. Wooseok_-“ But the person in his arms cuts him off shortly.

“_Jinhyuk_,” Wooseok slowly removes the older’s hands around him. “_I’m not yours anymore, remember_?”

Jinhyuk hears the sound of his own heart shattering like glass. He can’t even stop himself from sobbing when the angsty feeling hits him like a bullet.

“_But I’m always yours_,” He cracks, tears rolling down his cheeks. Wooseok’s face bunches up in pain, touched by the the other’s words but afraid of getting his heart broken again. There’s so much unspoken yearning and agony in the past months and it’s all decided to explode in their faces tonight.

“Don’t-Don’t say-” For once, Wooseok is tongue-tied. He loves Jinhyuk. _Hell, he loves Jinhyuk to death_. But sometimes not all love stories get their happy endings and Wooseok’s skeptical about putting his heart on a platter again. He needs to keep his emotions in check or he would throw himself at Jinhyuk the second he lets loose. Even now, his own mind screams at him to kiss the older’s tears away. To make it all okay.

And Wooseok does just that. Leans to press his lips to every one of Jinhyuk’s tears, listening to the older’s whimpers as his own heart aches. He waits until Jinhyuk calms down before reaching up to cup his face.

“_I love you. Always_.” Raw and sincere. “But we need some time to figure things out and you need to be patient. Just know no matter what happens I’ll always be by your side. I promise you that and you know I never break any of mine.” With that he steps out of the car, each step towards his own house like a scorching walk to hell.

Wooseok stumbles into his house and locks the door, body shaking from the pent up grief. He hears the sound of Jinhyuk’s car drive away before finally letting his tears hit the ground. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. Sh*t just hit the fan and I’m not sure if I’m ok with that either. 
> 
> To be honest, I’m still nagivating what I want Weishin’s relationship to become. (I promise a GE but at the same time I don’t want to sugar coat things because breakups are hella messy and painful irl). I think Wooseok and Jinhyuk will both need some time. But hey, feeling pain is a part of growing up:)
> 
> P.S. I decided to change the title because the old one feels a little long, and this one sorts of embodies the nature of Weishin. Hahahah props to whoever recognizes the lyrics!


	4. Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time allows for Wooseok and Jinhyuk to heal. 
> 
> "I should be hurting  
But the human heart is so mysterious  
Every time  
I think of you  
It hurts but I’m happy"
> 
> -Still, Kyuhyun (2017)

Wooseok's not smiling anymore.

Jinhyuk looks into his eyes and finds no sparkle or shine, and barely a speck of life. Instead, there are two dark bottomless voids staring back at him every day. It's like all the fire inside of Wooseok has died down into a cloud of smoke, drifting out of the boy with each passing minute. Jinhyuk feels helpless, watching the other curl up into a guarded ball after each practice, sporting an air around him that screams "_Don't come closer_". 

He’s completely clueless. Countless conversations with the members and hours long of phone calls with Wooseok's parents have provided little help. Jinhyuk's beginning to think he might have to choke out answers from Wooseok himself.

"Jinhyuk, we're really worried. But let's face the truth, if Wooseok's not ready to tell you about it, he's not going to tell us at all," Jinhoo pats him on the shoulder softly. Jinhyuk nods in defeat, although he’s silently protesting that it's exactly why he's losing his mind.

Without a doubt Wooseok has always been reserved and organised, refusing to burden anyone with his own problems. Yet, he also knows when to look for help, and most of the times Jinhyuk is the person he goes to. Over the years, he realized there are a lot of personal demons that Wooseok harbours in himself. It would be a surprise to people who didn't know the boy well, because from afar Wooseok looks composed and confident. _Untouchable_, even. But people like Jinhyuk who chose to dig a little deeper could see the hurt and fear Wooseok struggles to conceal and the walls that he built to protect himself. So for the boy to turn his back on the entire world, including Jinhyuk, who everyone deems as the one lucky fellow that can read Wooseok like the back of his hand, is more than unsettling for the rapper.

_Yes_, he admits, _the reason for his concern transcends far beyond friendship. Somewhere along the lines, he had fallen in love with the boy, fallen in love with the cold edges and warm curves that make up Kim Wooseok_. It's hard not to, when his heart sings at the mere sight of the boy in front of him, and at the thought of himself being important to someone so impenetrable. Jinhyuk is a loving and compassionate person all on his own. But with Wooseok, his heart is twice bigger. 

Yet, he’s smart enough not to pester the younger into confessing his latest troubles. Wooseok’s temper is like a river, usually calm and steady, but you can never force it to flow another way, because he never wavers once he makes a decision. Call it integrity, or say it’s stubbornness, but either way Jinhyuk is determined to let the boy come to him on his own terms. So Jinhyuk remains quiet about the issue, feeling himself shrivel up as he waits for closure.

Inevitably, it all blows up one night, with Wooseok so wound up and their comeback being just around the corner. He snaps at Hwanhee mid-practice, and it escalates quickly into a heated argument about Wooseok keeping secrets to himself. Jinhyuk remembers the pained expression on his face, like the younger had just stabbed him in the gut with his accusation. Jinhyuk finds his own heart throbbing heavily at the hurt rolling off Wooseok’s shoulders. _So much to bear, when he’s barely old enough to face off the world_.

A moment later, Wooseok dips his head and apologizes softly, heading out of the room with quick footsteps. Jinhyuk’s about to follow when Minsoo holds him back, head shaking with warning.

“Give him some time.” Jinhyuk contemplates brushing him off and chasing after the younger, but he stops his own impulses and nods at Minsoo compliantly. Their leader lets out a long sigh before gesturing for everyone to get into position. Practice continues, but Jinhoo knows for sure no one is actually focusing. Even Hwanhee who was spitting fire moments ago is quiet, eyes cast downwards with a sullen expression. They wrap up early and he ushers them back to the dorm, the kids shuffling back to their rooms but not before sending Jinhyuk a silent plea. He gives them a small smile in return, knowing they’re just as anxious as he is.

So with his own selfish reasons and the members’ request, Jinhyuk finds himself climbing the stairs to their rooftop. He’s been there dozens of times himself, having learnt to appreciate the tranquility and privacy the place brings. It’s almost like a safe haven, so it’s not unexpected to find Wooseok there, perched in front of the edge like a dejected cat, the soft hues of moonlight illuminating his silhouette. Jinhyuk finds the image rather sad and lonely. Eventually, he walks closer to the younger, stopping behind him to drape a blanket over the small body. Wooseok doesn’t turn around, but he hums in appreciation at the action.

“Hey.” Normally, Jinhyuk would resort to asking things like “_How are you holding up_” and “_Is something wrong_”, but now’s not the time for stupid questions that he could very well answer himself. The younger is clearly not okay and Jinhyuk doesn’t want to waste another minute beating around the bushes.

“I like it here,” Wooseok’s fingers clutch around the blanket, pulling it closer to his frame. “It’s so quiet I can hear my own thoughts.”

“Well, in that case I believe I’m a little deaf, because I’m not hearing anything of yours.” There’s a ghost of a smile on the younger’s lips, but nothing close to the usual laughter  
designated for Jinhyuk’s own brand of teasing.  
He thinks about how long it’s been since he last heard the sound. Jinhyuk’s hands itch to pull Wooseok closer to himself, believing the gesture would shield them from everything harmful. It’s sad to say that’s far from how things work.

“How’s Hwanhee?” Even with his own demons to fight every day, Wooseok remains empathetic and selfless. Jinhyuk wonders how a boy so petite in size can fit a heart so huge inside of him. He also hopes he takes up a considerable amount of space in it.

“The usual, just a little guilty that he verbally attacked his favorite hyung.” He sits himself beside the younger quietly, keeping a small distance to let Wooseok collect his own thoughts.

“He’s right though. I have been keeping secrets and it’s not fair.” Right, Kim Wooseok and his old habit of self-doubt trickling in again. Even the strongest glass manages to crack and break with the right amount of pressure.

“Everybody has their own secrets. I never told anybody it was me who farted in the car this morning.” His silly confession earns a soft titter from Wooseok.

“I’m pretty sure everyone knew it was you. And it’s not a secret anymore since you’ve told me.”

“That’s true. So a secret for a secret? Only because you forced me to admit my fart.” Wooseok sends him a half-unamused glare and Jinhyuk’s relieved knowing no matter how bad things get Wooseok still has the ability to out-glare every walking creature on earth. _It might be whipped culture, but Jinhyuk’s notorious for having a soft spot for the younger anyways_.

“Come on Seok. We can either turn into popsicles in this freezing Seoul weather or you can tell me what’s wrong. You can punch me as a third option but I require extra payment.”

“I think I’ll take the third,” Wooseok tries to punch him in a futile attempt but Jinhyuk catches his fist with ease, choosing instead to intertwine their fingers together. Wooseok doesn’t complain, nor does he try to break free from the older’s grip.

“Sharing is caring.”

“That’s not how the phrase is applied.”

“Wooseok, let’s stop with the bantering. You know I’m not going to coax it out of you if you’re not planning to talk. But we both know you want someone to listen so just hit me with your best shot.”

Wooseok breathes out slowly. Ever since he and the older grew closer Jinhyuk has learnt to push the right buttons when it comes to getting him to talk. Wooseok prizes himself in being able to stand his ground most of the time. Even his parents don’t usually succeed in getting anything out of him, but Jinhyuk’s different. It’s like he bares his soul for the older to see unconsciously. Wooseok has a good idea of why but he’s a little hesitant to venture on the topic.

“It’s not a big deal, just a thing that’s been going on for a while, I guess.” Jinhyuk stays silent, opting the younger to continue.

“It’s just my emotions—_They’re a mess_. I can’t control how I feel half of the time and it’s scaring me. One moment I feel like I’m fine and the next I’d rather chain myself up than talk to people. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Wooseok is shaking, the emotions he had bottled up inside of him threatening to explode any moment now. He’s good at pretending in front of other people, it’s practically a skill he has mastered, but doing so with Jinhyuk always takes twice the effort. Frankly, he doesn’t want to either.

“I’m happy Jinhyuk, I really am. The group is doing well and for once we’re finally getting the recognition we deserve. I know there‘s nothing to fuss about, but somehow it just feels wrong. I love the stage, I mean all my life I’ve been dying to be on it. But lately even the thought of it is suffocating to me. I’m an idol singer and out of everything I get stage fright. That’s exactly why I never bothered to tell you guys, because it’s bizarre and you don’t need another thing to worry about.”

Now that Wooseok has come clean with his problems, Jinhyuk can easily diagnose the issue. It all makes sense, Wooseok’s nervous behavior when he’s about to perform and the way his legs just give up after being on stage. He’s certainly not foreign to the cause, having heard similar cases from his other idol friends. Jinhyuk’s a little stupefied that he wasn’t able to figure this out earlier.

“It’s not bizarre, and nothing is wrong with you,” Wooseok tries to retort but Jinhyuk shushes him, untangling their hands and moving backwards so that the younger is positioned between his legs. “It’s not stage fright, you’re simply exhausted. Not the kind where you run out of breath or your muscles ache. I’m talking about the kind where you’re emotionally exhausted and your brain is working in overdrive.”

“But everything’s going great, why—“

“The group is doing well, but are _you_, Wooseok, doing well individually? Out of the ten of us, you’re always crammed with schedule after schedule. Sometimes you’re so busy you don’t check your phone for days. You’re so tired I see you zoning out in front of a wall all the time.”

Wooseok doesn’t realize how much work he’s been shoved with. His body seems to deal with it fine, the urge to do well pushing through the overbearing fatigue every day. Jinhyuk’s words draw him to reconsider the notion.

“_You need a break, Wooseok_. Some time away from all this, the cameras, the people, the pressure. Or you’ll burst.” Wooseok seems to agree with his statement partly, but he’s not entirely convinced.

“I don’t think I’m comfortable leaving you guys at a time like this.”

Jinhyuk shakes his head insistently. He’s going to get the younger to come around no matter how long it takes. Wooseok’s sense of duty will have to step aside because he’s not backing down.

“At a time where we’re no longer rookies and are ten grown up men completely capable of taking care of ourselves?”

Wooseok turns around to face him. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant. No offense, but I may be the only one who can understand half the crap that comes out of your mouth.” He winces a little at the soft punch thrown at his shoulder.

“_Jinhyuk. I’m not comfortable with leaving you_.”

And that’s the catch, the true reason why Wooseok hasn’t been able to bring himself to go on a hiatus. He thinks it’s stupid, because Jinhyuk cannot possibly embody the definition of an independent 21st century man any better. It’s more so the idea of leaving when some things are so blurry between them. Wooseok’s afraid that once he’s out of the picture, they’d lose those “some things”. 

“I’m not a boy anymore Seok,” There’s a message behind his statement, a hidden declaration of his coming to age. He’s no longer the impulsive naive boy he used to be.  
He’s tough, he’s confident and he’s sensible. _He’s strong enough to protect Wooseok now_.

“I know,” The younger hums in agreement, his fingertips grazing the side of Jinhyuk’s face, leaving behind a warm, tingly trail . Both of them have outgrown their round cheeks into bony cheeks and sharp jaws, emerged from the shadows of their carefree youth into the cruel realities of adulthood. Wooseok wishes he had learnt to cherish the old days more.

“I’ll rest, for a little while.”

Jinhyuk pulls him closer, resting his hands on the back of Wooseok’s waist. It’s a terribly non-platonic gesture, but in truth their relationship had never been purely platonic to begin with.

“You’ll rest, for a little while,” He muses. For years he had scrambled to find a reason for the pitter patter of his heart. Now it’s clearer than ever.

“_Wait for me_?”

And Jinhyuk’s breath hitches at the question. It’s more than a simple request, really. It’s an affirmation of Wooseok’s own feelings, a way of saying that if the older is willing to keep his heart open, Wooseok would walk straight into it someday. There are so many uncharted territories, and the risks of stripping themselves down to such dangerous sentiments are uncountable. _But love is a gamble, and Jinhyuk‘s all in._

_Always_, he thinks to himself.

He leaves a fleeting kiss on the younger’s forehead, a scorching promise Wooseok carries with himself even now. When Jinhyuk pulls back and looks into his eyes, he sees traces of a flickering flame, dormant yet promising.

“Come back to me safely. I’ll give you a real kiss then.”

* * *

Jinhyuk feels like crap, and not even a dose of Olaf or Elsa could fix him up at this rate. He barely had the energy to drag himself out of bed this morning, and when he does manage to stagger to his office he's being scrutinised under Byungchan judgmental gaze. At this point, death is pretty appealing. 

"Good morning sajang-nim. Why the shitty face?" Jinhyuk throws a half-hearted glare at his assistant but Byungchan's well past the days of respecting his boss.

  
“Byungchan. I’m dying,” He manages to croak out, rubbing his temples in an effort to ease the non-existent headache he’s having. Byungchan would roll his eyes, but decides against it when he deems the move a waste of energy. It’s a miracle that Jinhyuk even keeps the agency from bankruptcy with his overwhelming lack of brain cells. Wooseok’s words, not his.

  
“_Well don’t do it now_. We need to go over the audition list from yesterday so I can finalize who to call for the second round.” Jinhyuk lets out a small choked noise at the uncaring response, but Byungchan would trample over his dead body before giving a damn.

  
“I’ll just read over the names, stop me if there are any problems. _There won’t_, but you pay me so here it goes. Song Hyeongjun, Nam Dohyun, Son Dongpyo, Kim Sihun, Song Yuvin, Kim Mingyu.” Jinhyuk’s brain is barely functioning, but there seems to be something missing from the list of names pouring out of Byungchan’s mouth. He waves his hand in the air, begging the last of his brain cells to conjure up a name.

  
“What about—“

  
“Lee Hangyul? T_he one Seungyeon hyung wants to fuck so desperately_? I was just about to read his name when you so rudely interrupted me.”

  
Ok. He may be depressed but nothing will stop him from laughing at a good old Cho Seungyeon sex joke. The assistant doesn’t say anything, but his shoulders sag in relief at the sound of Jinhyuk’s horrendous cackling.

  
“So you can still laugh at my high quality insults. Good, means you’re not entirely out of your mind. Now is the list approved?” Byungchan moves to scribble a few words onto the document, probably writing something about his boss needing psychotherapy. Jinhyuk’s mind rakes over the list again, the candidates’ faces flashing before his eyes briefly.

  
“Yes. When is it again?”

  
“Five days from now.” Jinhyuk hums in acknowledgement. He flips through his calendar and frowns at the sight of a big red remark sitting on the mentioned date.

  
“I won’t be in office that day. Would that be a problem?” His assistant thinks for a second before shaking his head.

  
“Ok. Then tell Seungwoo he’s all in charge. Since I won’t be there I’ll need you to write down some suggestions,” Jinhyuk silently gives himself a pat on the shoulder, because he’s exuding a lot more control than he usually would on a normal day. Plus the fact that he just experienced the greatest heartbreak of his life last night.

  
“Kim Mingyu’s a weak dancer by foundation, I suggest making sure Chungha gives him the final green light. We didn’t see Nam Dohyun’s dancing so remember to request a demo. I’d like Seungwoo hyung to do a double check on Lee Hangyul and Song Hyeongjun’s voices to see where they stand on the technique scale. And lastly, I need some photos of the candidates from different angles.” Ok, so maybe Jinhyuk is capable of running a company despite his questionable intelligence. Again, Wooseok’s words, not his.

  
“Thank you Byungchan,” he sighs wistfully, hoping his workload for the day would be a relatively lighter one. As usual, he’s out of luck.

  
“Remember your meeting at 11, don’t be late,” Byungchan taps on his watch impatiently. “You have at least an hour to finish dying so I suggest you do so now.” Jinhyuk wonders when his polite, kind assistant was switched out for this dimpled dictator who seems to thrive off sassing him.

  
“If you need anything, call my desk. _But don’t_, because I won’t pick up.” And with that he leaves Jinhyuk alone in the office, the now genuine headache hitting him like a truck. He groans at the throbbing sensation around his forehead. He’s not 25 anymore and his body is  
certainly well past the age of staying awake all night.

  
Jinhyuk steals a glance at the picture frame on his desk, resting next to the heaps of paperwork. His mouth curls up into a bitter grin. It’s him and Wooseok, posing in front of the agency during its opening day. The younger’s hair is dyed a dark blonde, the top of his head glowing like a halo in the afternoon sunlight. Jinhyuk’s arm is slung around his shoulders, and although a mask is covering half of his features there’s an mistakable smile on his own face. They were happy.

  
When Jinhyuk made his promise on the rooftop that night, things seemed to be a whole lot simpler. Since little he had been ingrained with romantic ideas, fairytale-like expectations on love. Nobody ever told him loving someone was more than kisses and hugs. With Wooseok, he learns that love could be painful, that it teaches you things no books or tv shows can ever make you understand. It’s about stepping forward for the person you cherish when they’re weak and backing up when they’re strong enough. It’s holding on tight when things get rough. _Sometimes, like in the case of their relationship, it’s letting go when the time is right._

  
To Jinhyuk, there will never be a time when letting Wooseok go feels right. But if years of being in the entertainment industry has taught him anything, it would be that goodbyes never signal the end of something. Instead, it’s always a new beginning. Maybe this breakup that Jinhyuk had never foreseen would serve to be a fresh start for both him and Wooseok. Lee Jinhyuk fell in love with the eighteen year old Wooseok when the boy was head strong, fresh-faced and idealistic. Even now he’s confident that falling in love again with the thirty-three year old Wooseok would prove to be no challenge.

  
_ Time heals everything_, of that Jinhyuk is sure. When autumn comes around and the leaves start to fall, that’s when love would come his way again.

* * *

  
Like any other day, heavy silence fills the air at Sunshin’s HR department. Jungmo’s clicking through a file on his computer when he feels a tap on his shoulder. Turning around the assistant manager sees Wooseok standing behind his chair, lips pursed into a tight line. There’s a thick air of gloom surrounding his boss that no doubt screams Lee Jinhyuk. He sees Kyulkyung shaking her head out of the corner of his eye.

  
“Anything you need boss?” Jungmo asks quietly, his survival instincts kicking in at the sight of Wooseok frowning. Minjoo gives him a barely visible thumbs up before burying herself in a pile of folders.

  
“I don’t recall showing you around the building, correct?” Wooseok’s tone is firm and pressed, his question resembling more of a statement than it’s intended nature.

  
Jungmo suppresses the tiny squeak that’s about to escape his mouth. “Uhh—No.” His boss may be five feet six, but _wow_ his gaze is enough to make a six feet tall man cower in fear.

  
“Good, let’s take a walk.” Jungmo’s mouth falls open, the sudden invitation a bit too much for his fragile heart. He looks back at his computer and sees the plethora of  
uncompleted trainee profiles that are due before six.

  
“Boss, I would love to. Like seriously, I would die a happy man. But you see, I have these—“

  
“Jungmo. Help me out alright? I’m about _this_ close to losing it,” He points to the tip of his pinky.

  
“But, but these profiles are—“

There’s a tiny cough that interrupts their exchange, and Jungmo looks around to see Nayoung staring at the both of them. She’s giving him an I-Have-A-Suggestion look, but it comes off as more of a _You-Better-Go-On-That-Damn-Walk glare_.

  
“Sorry to cut in, but I can handle the profiles for Jungmo. You’re two weeks into the job, I agree that it’s time you get acquainted with the rest of the staff personally.” _Ok. Problem solved._

  
Wooseok thanks her and grabs Jungmo by the shoulders, dragging him out of the office with a surprising amount of strength. The assistant manager turns around to wave a meek goodbye to his colleagues. Kyulkyung’s throat slicing gesture didn’t really help calm his nerves.

* * *

  
Thankfully, Wooseok’s mood seemed to brighten up once they finished touring a few nearby floors. Jungmo’s pleasantly surprised too, having met tons of great people that he would’ve never known existed if he had been coped up in the office.

  
For once, his boss shows him around the PR department, and Jungmo does a double take at how different the ambiance there is compared to his own. Wooseok gives him a brief introduction to the Public Relations crew. There’s Hwang Minhyun, the soft-spoken and polite director who, in Jungmo’s opinion, is very good-looking, which simply leads to the question of why everyone in the damn building have such attractive faces. There’s Kim Kookheon and Kwon Eunbi, two officers who have not stopped throwing shade at each other since Jungmo and Wooseok entered their office. He also meets the enthusiastic Sakura Miyawaki, PR’s cute secretary who keeps getting caught reading BL novels on her computer. _Jungmo can totally relate on a personal level_.

  
“Sakura, that’s not healthy. You need to head out there and go on some dates yourself.”

  
“_I’m committed to my ships_!”

  
Wooseok also brings him to the art department, where the both of them nearly trip over a mountain of costumes the second they step into the workspace. The duo is greeted by Choi Minki, the agency’s senior stylist whose sheer load of sass is enough to rival his boss’s. Before Jungmo leaves, he gives quick greetings to Jung Chaeyeon and Kim Doyeon, two other makeup artists around his age.

  
“Jungmo is it? Nice face, nice personality, not sure I’m feeling the clothes though.”

  
“_Minki, at least he has a nice personality_.”

  
Their last stop is the studios, where Wooseok seems to spend most of his time at apart from his own office. The HR director slips into Seungyeon’s room for a quick chat, leaving Jungmo to explore the huge workspace on his own. He’s about a minute into wandering around when a figure peeks out from one of the rooms. It takes the assistant manager a moment to realize it’s a young boy with dark red hair staring at him curiously.

  
“Hi, I’m Daehwi. Sorry if I startled you, it’s just that we don’t usually get visitors around here.” Jungmo’s blank expression turns into a slightly confused one. _What?_

  
“Oh that—that’s okay. I’m Jungmo, new assistant manager at HR. I know this is going to sound rude, but how—“

  
“In the world is a kid like me working here?” The smile on Daehwi’s face widens, like he had already predicted a question like this. Jungmo’s suspects he’s not the first person to ask, and probably won’t be the last either.

  
“I’m fresh out of college,” Daehwi starts to explain. “Seungyeon hyung took me in because I showed him some of my tapes. He was impressed enough to give me a job, but I’m still young and pretty inexperienced so the company needs me to work with another senior producer at all times. Usually I’m paired up with Dongho hyung,” He points to someone hidden in the room behind him. Jungmo nods in understanding, the friendly tone of the other piping up his interest. He’s about to ask the younger about his music when Wooseok emerges from Seungyeon’s office, surprised to find Daehwi talking to Jungmo in the corridor. The younger spots him and lets out an excited gasp, waving at his hyung with the hugest grin on his face.

  
“Hyung, hyung!”

Wooseok walks over to ruffle the kid’s hair gently. “Hey you, stop getting any taller. I don’t need more giants in the building you hear me? Gosh you’re growing up so fast....Working with Dongho again?”

  
“Yup. We’re in charge of the b-side tracks for I.O.I’s new album. So excited for everyone to hear them, you would be so proud!” Jungmo feels his own heart melting at the cute expression Daehwi’s wearing. No wonder even his satanic boss gets all soft and pliant around the fresh graduate.

  
“I’m glad. You’re barely 21, kiddo. You’ll be going places, I know it. Dongho giving you a hard time in there?”

  
They hear a loud grunt from the room. “_Am not_!”

  
Daehwi laughs at his mentor’s fiery temper before grunting himself, “Hyung, when will you take me out for dinner? I’ve been holding on to that promise for almost a year now. My stomach’s not getting any happier,” He pouts a little, the ends of his mouth tipping downwards. Jungmo might just adopt this kid.

  
“Soon, Daehwi. Let me know after you’ve finished the tracks okay? I’ll treat you to some barbecue then.” _When will boss invite me to dinner_, Jungmo thinks to himself bitterly. _Life is unfair, I want to be born with a cute face too_. His inner grumbling ceases when Daehwi poses the next question.

  
“Can we bring Jinhyuk hyung too?”

  
There’s an awkward pause before Wooseok nods reluctantly. Unfortunately, his reaction doesn’t escape the younger’s eyes. Confused, Daehwi‘s eyebrows are knit together before he spots Jungmo making a snapping gesture behind the older’s back. His eyes widen in realization.

  
“Ugh hyung, I’m so sorry,” He sighs in embarrassment. “It just slipped my mind.”

  
Wooseok shakes his head at the apology. It’s not uncommon that people forget he and Jinhyuk aren’t in a relationship anymore. Sometimes, he forgets himself. _Habit_, Wooseok tells himself. _It’s a scary thing_.

  
They talk for a couple more minutes before Wooseok decides it’s time for them to get back to work. He’s a lot less grumpy by the time they slip back into the office, the walk having taken his mind off yesterday’s mess. Grateful for the younger’s patience, he gives Jungmo a gentle pat on the head. Wooseok’s eyes crinkle as he laughs, seeing the boy trying not to freak out. He and Jinhyuk might not be in the best place now, but there are so many people in their lives that make it better.

  
“Oi newbie, you’re not half bad,” Kyulkyung turns to whisper at Jungmo after their boss makes his way inside. He tries to not preen at the compliment.

  
For people like Jungmo who have spent a majority of their lives as a fan, admiring someone from afar proves to be an easy job. Working with them, on the other hand, is a completely different case. Jungmo learns the nice things that come with working under your idol. You more or less know their personalities to a certain degree, and trust him, you’re going to be much more productive. Sadly, there are also the not so nice things, like realizing your idol is really satan in a tiny package. Come what may, something Jungmo has learnt from his two week experience is that idols are humans nonetheless. They were born normal people and lived like one until stardom required them to resort to carefully constructed words and tight-lipped smiles. It’s a price they pay for their dreams, but underneath all that they’re still mortal as ever. They go through ugly breakups, messy hookups, and all the moments where you fall and feel like never getting up again. And yet amidst all that, they manage to stand tall time after time even with the extra layer of weight on their shoulders.

  
_ In Jungmo’s eyes, there is nothing more respectable_.

* * *

  
Wooseok’s butt has barely touched his seat when his phone chimes. Expecting it to be work, the HR director begrudgingly checks the text, his eyes skimming over the content with little interest. To his surprise, it’s Yohan who sends him a message.

  
_ Hyung, dinner tonight?_

  
Wooseok smiles. Ever the bright and hungry Kim Yohan. He replies with a simple “Ok”, trying to minimize the excitement he’s showing.

  
In all fairness, he did miss the giant bunny a lot.

  
His phone chimes again.

  
_ I’ll pick you up from the office at 7?_

  
To be honest, there’s a part of Wooseok that’s wary about the younger showing up at Sunshin. Of course, they’re all grown ups and are capable of being civilized, but Wooseok would like to spare the awkwardness of bumping into Seungwoo and having to endure a morning of teasing afterwards. Or worse, bumping into Jinhyuk. He doesn’t think the older or himself could take another confrontation any time soon. He also doesn’t have the heart to hurt Jinhyuk more than he already has last night.

  
_ But then again_, Wooseok thinks, _I’m not doing anything wrong. It’s just me and Yohan going to dinner. Kim Yohan who’s a precious friend to me. A friend. What’s so complicated about that?_

  
There’s an inkling of denial that Wooseok chooses to seek comfort in, but lord knows he’s been asking himself the question since yesterday morning. After all, Seungwoo’s words left him in quite the turmoil. _Why? Because Jinhyuk was always the obvious choice? Because to him Yohan was always going to be the kid who runs away from home to avoid Taekwondo classes? _Even after all these years, Wooseok finds there are a lot of things about himself that he still doesn’t have answers to. Not anymore though, he’s decided. I’ll get to know myself better.

  
Maybe starting now.

  
_ Ok. See you. There’s a fluttering in his heart when Wooseok hits the send button_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weishin handling last night a bit differently, but regardless, they are putting the angst aside. The next chapter will be a relatively light one, I promise! But in all seriousness, what do you think Wooseok really feels for Yohan?
> 
> Thank you for reading! See you next time!


	5. To My Youth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yohan makes the final move. Wooseok reminisces over his idol days during recording. 
> 
> "The saying time is medicine was really true for me  
As the days went by, I really got better  
But sometimes, when I’m too happy, I’m afraid I’ll be in pain again  
I’m afraid that someone will take away this happiness"
> 
> -To My Youth, Bolbbalgan4 (2018)

Wooseok hasn’t exactly been in touch with the group since he announced his hiatus three months ago. As expected, the press went wild when the news came out, articles and articles of crazy speculations and rumors on the internet. Jinhyuk has seen some ugly words being thrown out once or twice, but other true Honey10s have been nothing but vocal about their support.

Speaking of being vocal, Jinhyuk has officially counted the days since his boyfriend—future boyfriend—romantically interested group member (at this point he doesn’t even know how to address their relationship) has gone radio silent. Nothing except the occasional texts saying he’s ok, and Jinhyuk’s about to go mad with the meek reassurance.

It’s not that he blames Wooseok, because really, personal space is something that the younger absolutely cannot be deprived of apart from chicken feet (and maybe Jinhyuk too, maybe). He understands that bombarding Wooseok with the group’s agenda is going to do nothing but stress him out. But still, _they’re his family_, and god knows the vocalist has a knack to make people worry about him. 

So Jinhyuk convinces himself that no news is good news.

Occasionally, the guilt of his own impromptu hiatus washes over Wooseok. Yes, there are frequent moments where he misses the members and one in particular (take your guess), but three months of quiet walks in the park and late night snacks have reminded him of a simple fact long forgotten—That he enjoys the simplicity of a normal life just as much as he enjoys the thrill of being on stage. 

A break from his hectic schedule has also allowed Wooseok to visit an old but favorite place of his—The library just across the street from his old house. Before Wooshin was the feisty vocalist of Up10tion, Wooseok was the quiet bookworm of his local library. All the time spent away from the magical pages have made him realize how much he missed sticking his nose in books, the sheer satisfaction from hour after hour of sinking himself into their beautiful settings. So he does just that.

He’s about twenty pages into a book about dancing ogres when there’s a gentle tap on his shoulder. Turning to his left Wooseok finds a young guy crouched next to him, eyes darting around the room in alert and hands pressed together tightly like a prayer. Wooseok looks at him suspiciously, shielding himself with the book held in front of his chest.

“Can I help you?” 

The guy makes a pained expression, like he’s struggling to make a life decision right there. Wooseok takes a closer look at the other’s face, eyes taking in his youthful features. Huh, must be fresh out of college. _He’s cute_, Wooseok notes, _kind of like a bunny. Maybe an insane one, though._ The awkward pause in the air has Wooseok contemplating whether to leave or not when the guy finally nods.

“Could you help me hide somewhere in here? This looked like the least likely place you would look for someone who was missing,” The strange request sends Wooseok into silence. He’s seen crazy people barge into the library a fair amount of times, but actually talking to one so young and normal-looking is a first. He lowers his book a little to glance at the guy more thoroughly. Wooseok’s brain is working to decipher whether this dude in front of him should be put in the dumb cute category or the psycho category. _He would prefer the first, of course._

Evidently, Wooseok’s skepticism is painted all over his face, for the guy resorts to extending his hand out with a firm _“Nice to meet you, I’m Kim Yohan, and I swear I’m normal.”_ He raises an eyebrow at the doubtful statement.

“Okay, Yohan-shi. Am I safe to say you’re not a fugitive or a wanted criminal in any way?” 

Yohan shakes his head fervently. “_Actually, I just need to hide from my—_“

“Damn it, where did the rascal go this time? Kim Yohan, you better get your ass out here!” A harsh whisper cuts through the silence of the library, followed by a few hushes. The owner of the voice apologizes before Wooseok hears the sound of feet shuffling a few shelves near them. There’s another tug on his shirt and he turns to see Yohan staring at him, pleading eyes boring straight into his own. _Oh screw it. Might as well help a delinquent escape and cross that off my bucket list._

Wooseok holts the boy up with all his might and ushers him past a barely visible door behind them, motioning for the boy to close it once they’re huddled in the tiny room. The door shuts with a soft click as Yohan lets out a sigh of relief, patting his own chest reassuringly. He’s about to turn and thank his savior when he realizes how close they were standing to each other, the small supply closet, now that Yohan has had the chance to glance around, left little to no room for two grown men to stretch. 

_He hopes the dim lighting would be able to hide his blush. _

Now that he’s not in full panic mode, Yohan finally has time to process the face in front of him. Not to exaggerate, but he didn’t believe in angels until this very moment, stuck in a stuffy closet with this _ridiculously_ gorgeous man. Something about him is familiar too, although his brain isn’t ringing up any answers.

“Uh—Thank you,” He pats the back of his head sheepishly, “You really did me a huge favor.”

Wooseok shakes his head, more curious at the moment than anything. “And you would too, if you’d care to explain.”

“That was my coach,” Yohan lets out an audible sigh, “I’m a Taekwondo athlete.” And he does have the build indeed, Wooseok notes, a tall height, broad shoulders, and lean but muscular arms.

“Any particular reason why you’re hiding from him?” He notices the faint blush on the younger’s cheeks and reckons it’s from embarrassment.

“I was in the middle of practice, and I kind off, well—got overwhelmed by how tough everything was and ran away.” Yohan cringes at his own confession, the words sounding much less childish and more reasonable in his head. He’s stunned when all he receives is a gentle hum in return.

"I can relate."

It comes and goes once in a while, the gnawing worry of leaving the members behind. Wooseok didn’t walk off with a breezy whistle. It almost took three hours of Jinhyuk pushing him out of the dorms until he finally gave in. And on top of that, another hour of hugs and nuzzles before Wooseok could let go of the young ones. Any other day he would strangle those brats but he was feeling rather sentimental leaving them in the moment.

_And of course, Jinhyuk. _He hasn’t forgotten about the promises they made to each other that night on the rooftop. Wooseok still gets light-headed when he thinks about it, the warmth of Jinhyuk’s lips on his forehead. A part of him is almost dying to end his break. 

“I’m sorry, but you look kind of familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?” Yohan swears he’s seen the face before him now, because it’s hard to forget those eyes once you’ve seen them.

“Maybe on TV. You’ll see me every now and then. I perform on stage with my members.” The hint sets off a lightbulb in Yohan’s head, and his eyes widen in recognition as the image of an idol group flashes before him. He’s the vocalist and visual from Up10tion, Kim Wooseok. Yohan even has a few of their songs on his playlist, so he wonders why it took him so long to figure it out.

“Oh! You’re Wooshin from Up10tion!” Wooseok gives a small smile in answer, his heart lifting at the mention of the group’s name.

Yohan face palms in embarrassment. “I’m really sorry I didn’t recognize you earlier. I can be pretty slow sometimes.” The older shakes his head in amusement, clearly finding the athlete’s chagrin somewhat endearing.

“That’s alright. Not a lot of people from this neighborhood recognizes me. To be honest, it’s kind of a relief. If not, that would defeat my purpose of returning to civilization.” Both of them crack a grin at the sarcastic comment.

“I’ve read it on some website that you’re taking a break right now?” Wooseok nods. He’s seen the articles, some with ridiculous claims that he was preparing to leave the group and go solo. Others saying that he got diagnosed with some fatal disease. Wooseok’s had enough experience to know he shouldn’t take all that gibberish to heart.

“I’m planning to head back next month.” Wooseok feels ready to be back with the people he calls family. No matter what, he’ll always be a part of Up10tion. The members are his brothers and he loves them too much. And most of all, he wants to neck chop (and maybe kiss) Lee Jinhyuk and watch the rapper lose his cool. The thought of it must’ve made him excited again, because he doesn’t notice the teasing grin forming on his own lips until Yohan points it out.

“There must be something else you’re really looking forward to, right?” Wooseok blinks, surprised at how observant the boy is. 

“You could say that.” Yohan frowns at the vague response, trying to unravel the mystery standing in front of his eyes. He’s surprised at how different Wooseok is in real life, the guarded and collected demeanor melting into a playful and curious one. Yohan is pretty daring and backing out from a challenge has never been in his vocabulary, but this one seems to be a difficult one to crack. That doesn’t mean he’s not going to try though.

“Well, I’m sure whatever it is, it won’t be anything less of your expectations.” Wooseok raises his eyebrows, pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to fall into a conversation with the younger. There’s a sense of ease and comfort in Yohan’s presence and he likes it. 

“You’re right, I do have things to take care of.” Wooseok’s suddenly reminded of the reason why they’re huddled together in a tiny supply closet. “And you should stop running away from practice too.” 

There’s a small huff from his new acquaintance. “Don’t tell me off._ I’m not a kid anymore_.”

“I don’t know, getting chased by an adult for skipping something that’s good for you sounds pretty much like what a child would do.” 

Yohan sighs in defeat. He knows the older is right, but just the thought of failing his supporters has him stressed out, and the pressure of being one of the best is more than he can handle, not to mention the smell of sweaty young men and exhausting routines that make him want to bolt. 

Ever since he was young, Yohan has dreamt of becoming a professional martial artist. He’s been chasing that dream since middle school and lucky enough, his parents have been nothing but supportive. He knows he has it easier than most kids out there, but like every other young adult fresh out of college, he’s beginning to doubt whether he’s truly made for this kind of life.

“Hey,” Wooseok must’ve noticed his troubled expression and moves closer, his hands hovering over the younger’s back before drawing small circles on it soothingly. “It’s normal if you want to run away from all your problems, we all do, but I’ve been there and it doesn’t end up so well. Sometimes taking a break helps, but at the end of the day you have to fight your demons. _People who want to win don’t give in to their fears, so be one of those people, face them proud and strong.”_

For someone whose 5’7 and barely past his early 20s, Wooseok’s a lot wiser than what people credit him for. 

“_I had someone who reeled me in when I thought about running away. You should find that someone in your life too._”

They stay in the closet for another ten minutes before Wooseok pokes his head out to check for any pissed off Taekwondo coach. Yohan thanks Wooseok again, but not without scribbling his phone number on a piece of crumpled paper and shoving it in Wooseok’s hand. The older waits until he leaves before unfolding the note.

_219-0927. To thank you for saving my life. And the small pep talk:)_

Wooseok’s mouth quirks up at the scrawny letters. He ends up texting the number when he gets home after the dancing ogres finish their tango in the last chapter.

A month later, Wooseok returns to his group, welcomed by smiles and one or two suffocating hugs. Some of the brats may or may not have shed a few tears, but that’s of no significance. 

He holds his breath as Jinhyuk approaches him that night, his hands trembling in anticipation. Wooseok hears his own heart pounding as Jinhyuk stops in front of him, fingers reaching to graze the side of his cheek. They settle on the back of his neck as he’s pulled forward gently, the cold air on his lips being replaced by the tingling sensation of the older’s mouth on his. Wooseok hooks his arms around the older’s waist, the darkness encouraging them to press their bodies closer together. 

_This is home,_ Wooseok thinks. _He is home. _

Jinhyuk pants a little as he pulls away, his own eyes reflecting the blaze in Wooseok’s. There’s the fire he’s been searching for. The younger laughs a little when he bumps their forehead together. 

“I should’ve done this a long time ago.”

* * *

It’s a little past seven when someone knocks on Wooseok’s door. He looks up to find Yohan entering the room, his disheveled hair and wrinkly collar a sign that the younger had rushed to get here.

“Hey, hey hyung, sorry about the time—“

Wooseok cuts him off with a small hum. “Is everything ok?” Yohan nods slowly as he attempts to catch his breath, watching as the older gets up from his chair to approach him.

“A little girl got lost outside the building, and I had to ask security for help.” Wooseok frowns, alarmed at the image of a child wandering alone at night. Yohan notices and shakes his head in reassurance.

“She’s okay. I waited with her until the parents showed up but it took a while. I’m sorry for being late.” It’s heartwarming to see that adulthood hasn’t changed Yohan in the slightest. Wooseok has always marveled at the warmth that he radiates, and even now, with the bird’s nest that sits atop of his head and a lopsided grin, Yohan still has so much love and compassion to give.

He reaches up to pat the younger’s head. “You know you never need to apologize for doing something good, Yohan.” 

The lopsided grin doesn’t fade when they walk out of the building side by side.

“So, what’s on your agenda now?” Wooseok nudges his friend gently, the pair walking through a quiet area to reach their restaurant. Apart from the occasional vroom of cars passing by, Wooseok focuses on the sound of their footsteps.

“_I’m thinking about settling down_.” 

Startled by Yohan’s sudden confession, Wooseok stops to stare at him, the reaction drawing out an airy laugh from the younger.

“Sounds impossible huh?”

“No, just a little unexpected. I thought you were going to compete for longer, explore the world like you’ve always said.” 

It’s one of the reasons why Wooseok has never considered Yohan as a potential partner. Wooseok himself has outgrown his wild days, opting to settle for the feeling of security and comfort in familiarity. Yohan, in his late 20s, still enjoys the thrill that life’s unpredictability brings. The latter loves traveling, and his job allows him to bounce from place to place and compete in tournaments across the globe. So it surprises Wooseok to know the younger is ready to let go of something that he’s been holding so dear to his heart. 

“Well I figured I can’t be an athlete for my whole life. As much as it pains me to admit, my back is starting to ache and my bones are cracking every time I wake up in bed. Might be a good opportunity to step down and work on the sidelines.”

“Welcome to the middle-aged party.” They chuckle as Yohan sticks his tongue out like a peeved child. “But I’m happy for you, as long as you’re ready to start a new chapter.”

“You know what they say, you lose and you gain. I think it’s time I lock down a few things in my life,” He pauses, hoping that the other would notice his glance, “_And a few people too._” Wooseok, being the sharp person he is, doesn’t waste a second to understand what the other is trying to imply. He exhales deeply, watching as his breath becomes cloudy in the cold air.

“Never one to be subtle, are you?” In response, Yohan bumps into the older on purpose. Wooseok retaliates and jabs at his waist.

“Yeah well, you’ve practically known since forever anyway,” Yohan smiles again but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. It hurts the older to see him like this, afraid and wounded. Yohan is precious to him, and the last thing Wooseok wants is to break his heart.

He loves Yohan, has always felt for the lovely human next to him, but until now he’s never seen the love in a light other than brotherly affection.

“I have. And I’ve never done anything about it, which just makes me the shittiest person on earth. Gosh, Yohan-ah, I’m so sorry.” By now they’ve stopped walking, and Wooseok’s hands are now covering his face in shame. He feels so guilty about hurting the younger like this, and yet he doesn’t have the heart to reject any of his affections. Wooseok is positively sure he’s going to hell for being such an ass.

A moment later, fingers pry his hands away and he looks up through his bangs to see Yohan staring at him, gaze serious but warm as always. Wooseok wants to cry at how much he doesn’t deserve him. He’s been so caught up in his own emotions that he had neglected Yohan’s. The other’s heart was just as broken as own. Yohan rubs at his frozen hands, blowing warm air onto them.

“_I never expected you to. I always knew you weren’t mine to have_.” The sheer amount of pain in his voice cuts deep, and Wooseok wishes he could pray all of the other’s hurt away.

“There’s something I need to tell you. Jinhyuk and I... We’re not together anymore.” Wooseok wasn’t even sure what kind of reaction he wanted from the other. Confusion? Shock? Or worse, relief? He watches as Yohan’s eyes grow bigger, his face frozen with bewilderment. 

“How?”

Wooseok winces, the buried memory of their fight now resurfacing with twice the heartache.

“I—I wanted something that he wasn’t ready to give. We just couldn’t compromise.” When he’s ready, he’ll tell the whole story, but for now the scars are far too fresh to be touched upon. “I’m sorry I kept it from you for so long.”

Heavy silence hangs in the air, and Wooseok‘s almost certain he had finally pissed the younger off with his stupidity. Then, he’s left gaping when Yohan leans forward, dropping the softest kiss on Wooseok’s cheeks. It’s light as a feather but there’s a stir of emotions that leaves him stunned and speechless.

“For a long time,” Yohan’s voice is small, like it’s trying hard not to crack. “You were always this star, untouchable but so blindingly beautiful, _and I was this lovesick fool who wanted to catch it_.”

“Yohan ah—Hmph!” He’s silenced when the younger presses his palm against Wooseok’s lips.

“Let me finish this. I tried so hard to forget about you, but by the time I made up my mind, you were etched too deep into here.” He lets go of his hand on Wooseok’s mouth and points to the damned thing beating erratically in his chest. “I couldn’t stop loving you, but I could stop hoping that you would do the same in return and so I did. But here we are, and I’ve just realized_ I’ll always keep hoping like an idiot_.” 

Wooseok feels the tears pricking his eyes, his breath becoming shallow and quick. He wonders what others would’ve done in his situation and envies those people, because at least they have a clue about how they feel. Wooseok doesn’t know shit about his own heart, being so drained and wary of love he’s frantic when it comes barreling his way. Gritting his teeth, the small crystal drops roll down his cheeks one after one.

“Maybe God finally gave me a chance after all.” There’s a thumb rubbing at Wooseok’s tears, and he sniffles pathetically. “But I won’t take it, not if you don’t want me to.” 

Yohan feels bad for putting his hyung on the spot. But this will be a closure for both of them. To stop here or to take that one big step forward. 

Wooseok closes his eyes, Yohan’s proposal drawing a long-forgotten conversation between him and Jinhyuk.

_"Wooseok?"_

_"Hmm?" _

_"If you had the choice, would you choose to debut with us again?"_

_"What do you think?"_

_"I don't. That's why I'm asking you."_

_"Yes, Jinhyuk. Yes. Or how could I have met you, stupid?"_

_"Seok ah-"_

_"Maybe it was God who gave me a chance to meet you. And who am I to refuse?"_

Wooseok's not a firm believer of fate, but for once, he wants to see what the universe has in store for him.

“_Take it_.” He turns away from the younger, almost afraid to see his reaction. The sound of his own heart thumps against his ears. “We’ll see how this goes.”

When Wooseok finally dares to look at him, Yohan’s smile is earnest, arm stretched outwards for the older to take his hand, reminding Wooseok that he’s not the college kid running away from his life anymore. 

“Alright hyung,” Yohan looks down at their hands, the erratic beat of his heart calming slowly into a steady rhythm. “_With pleasure_.”

* * *

It’s Thursday morning when Wooseok opens the door to Seungyeon’s studio, the darkness of the room a sharp contrast to the bright lights in the hallway outside. Wooseok squints as his eyes adjust to the low brightness, making out a figure who’s perched on the desk. Wooseok walks closer to get past his catastrophic myopia.

He’s three steps away from the desk when the figure’s face comes into view. Watching the steady rhythm of Jinhyuk’s chest rising and falling in his sleep, Wooseok lets out a light sigh. Experience tells him the older had overworked himself again.

Reaching for the blanket hung on a nearby couch, Wooseok is about to drape it over the other’s body when he’s blinded by a sudden and searing amount of light. He winces and hears Jinhyuk groan in dissatisfaction.

“_Hello beautiful people_!” Seungyeon strides across the room and is about to give Wooseok a generous slap on the back when he notices the other sending him a death glare. The producer gawks at his friend, dumbfounded. “_What_?”

Wooseok flicks his forehead, and the victim yelps in response. Jinhyuk groans again at the loud noise.

“_Stupid, he‘s sleeping_.” Wooseok whispers harshly, gesturing to the figure who’s now awake and rubbing tiredly at his eyes. Seungyeon sends him an unimpressed look as he waves his hand in the air nonchalantly.

“_Yeah yeah, whatever. We have a song to record, who has time to sleep anyways_?” He earns another blow to his stomach and lets out a loud gasp. Jinhyuk squints at them in confusion, head still clouded with sleep. Wooseok feels terrible for waking up the older when he clearly needs the extra rest.

“I’m sorry. Do you want us to dim the lights?” He’s threading his fingers through Jinhyuk’s hair, a trick that has always succeeded in lulling the other to sleep. Jinhyuk’s eyes are drooping crazy and it’s rather funny to watch as he struggles to stay awake.

“_No—_“ A yawn. “_It’s okay_.” Another yawn. Seungyeon scoffs at Wooseok, plopping himself onto the chair next to Jinhyuk. 

“For two people who aren’t together anymore, you sure act like a married couple.” 

“Well unlike you who doesn’t give a damn about your boss, I’m concerned that he might actually die from sleep deprivation.” They watch as Jinhyuk stretches, his limbs flailing like a limp fish. 

“Please, just admit that you enjoy playing the nagging, demanding wife.” 

This time Seungyeon manages to duck the punch to his face.

* * *

It takes another hour for Seungyeon to finish setting up his equipment and Jinhyuk to wake up from his nap completely. By the time Wooseok gets sent into the booth, his hands are trembling with anticipation, every nerve in his body buzzing with excitement. His restlessness doesn’t escape Jinhyuk and Seungyeon.

“_Seok ah_,” Jinhyuk speaks into the mic, “You alright?” Wooseok sends him a tight-lipped smile, a rather unconvincing sign of reassurance. He watches as Seungyeon frowns, leaning over to whisper something in the other’s ear across the glass panel. A moment later, Jinhyuk presses down on the mic button again.

“_Seok-ah_, want me to go in there for a sec?” Wooseok manages to nod as his vision begins to blur along with his heightened heartbeat. Jinhyuk gets up from his chair and enters the booth, arms naturally moving to guide Wooseok’s head to his shoulder. The younger relishes in the comforting gesture, body relaxing as he takes in Jinhyuk’s scent.

“Hey, breathe. You’ll be alright.” 

Wooseok focuses on the older’s voice, his woody cologne, and the small mole on the side of his neck. After a few moments of silence, Wooseok finds his vision clearing. He pulls back to look at Jinhyuk gratefully.

“Thank you,” He pauses. “I can do this.” 

Jinhyuk smiles at him, smoothing out the top of his hair before saying, “_I know you can_.” Seungyeon, who’s waiting outside of the booth, watches as Jinhyuk walks out and gives his friend a thumbs up.

Soon, the producer signals for the youngest to get ready. Wooseok exhales deeply, peering across the glass to see both Jinhyuk and Seungyeon looking at him, faces warm and earnest. He knows he can be mean and stubborn, but thank god he has these people who love him unconditionally. He’s never super vocal about it, but they seem to understand from the look of gratitude on his own face anyway.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

_This is it_. Wooseok takes a deep breath, nodding with as much confidence as he can muster up. He closes his eyes and listens as the familiar piano tune fills the room. When the song hits a certain note, Seungyeon starts to counts down from three, and Wooseok parts his lips to sing the first line.

_At some point, I used to wish I would disappear from this world. _

_The whole world seemed so dark and I cried every night._

The lyrics flow out of his mouth naturally, and despite the slight uncertainty laced in his voice, Wooseok’s tone is beautiful and airy. In many ways, his voice is a reflection of his character, captivating but hard to ground, honest but hard to read. Whoever knew Wooseok well wouldn’t hesitate to claim the man as an enigma.

_Will I feel better if I just disappeared?_

_I was so afraid of everyone’s eyes on me. _

His eyes crack open to see Jinhyuk smiling at him, the familiar spark of pride in his eyes causing something warm to bloom inside Wooseok’s chest. Now less unsure, he opens his mouth wider, projecting his voice loud and clear through the microphone.

_During those beautifully beautiful days, I was in pain. I hated myself for not being able to receive love._

Partly why Wooseok agreed to sing the song was because its lyrics truly hit home. He remembers the time when it was almost too difficult to love himself, when every spiteful comment feeded his insecurity and added to his walls. 

Back then, the only thing he knew how to do was to shut out the entire world, to block out every sound and turn blind to every color. For so long he had lived in a colorless world, the dull ache in his heart like a pain carved deep into his bones. Wooseok wishes that none of the kids at Sunshin will ever have to go through it.

_The saying time is medicine was really true for me. As the days went by, I really got better._

Then came Jinhyuk, digging and drilling into his wall day after day, crashing into his life like a hurricane that leaves Wooseok gawking in awe. Jinhyuk starts off as a stranger, one so different from himself that he’s certain they would never get along. He resumes to bunched up fists behind the camera and hot, heavy tears under his thick sheets. He doesn’t let a hint of fear seep through his perfectly fabricated disguise, but the ache in his heart continues to torment him. 

And then slowly, like winter snow melting into spring, he starts to get better. Every time that he leans on Jinhyuk’s shoulder and just sobs his heart out, and every time that the older lets him climb into his bed just to get rid of a nightmare, Wooseok feels the ache starting to chip away, a warmth left behind in its absence. Wooseok’s convinced Jinhyuk is an angel without wings, sent to take all of his pain away. There’s no denying that with the older, he’s really the best person he can be.

_But sometimes, when I’m too happy, I’m afraid I’ll be in pain again. I’m afraid that someone will take away this happiness. _

By no means is Wooseok weak. He speaks his mind, takes no crap from anyone, and is one hell of an arm wrestler. He’s good with icy stares and blank expressions that make the most arrogant men quiver in fear. But these are skills he has honed to protect his weaknesses, and even when the walls do shatter and crumble, its pieces are edged into Wooseok, and the fear of losing everything good in his life never quite goes away. 

The night of their fight, Wooseok had been the most open and vulnerable that he could be. He was brave enough to envision a future for the both of them, _a home, a life, something_ that they could call their own. He stepped forward for Jinhyuk to catch him only for the other to move back, and all that greeted Wooseok was the cold air as he fell.

Wooseok doesn’t think he can’t experience heartache any stronger than that.

_But still, maybe I can be, a bright light in this world. _

_Maybe after all of that pain I can shortly shine a light._

Leaving Jinhyuk was painful. Like getting rid of a tattoo, the discomfort seeped deep into your skin. Wooseok had spent the majority of his life loving Jinhyuk. He never imagined that there would be a day when he would stop. Even now, when they don’t belong to each other anymore, Wooseok feels like a part of his heart will always be Jinhyuk’s to keep.

They’re not lovers, but they love each other. The fact that their lives are so intertwined proves that they can never be strangers, and deep down, Wooseok relishes in it, the comfort of knowing that him and Jinhyuk will never truly disappear from each other’s lives.

Perhaps they would always find their way to each other.

_“Seok ah, I’m not just your first love. I also intend to be your last.”_

And then there’s Yohan, and Wooseok can’t begin to describe how he feels about the younger. In his eyes, Yohan had always been the kid who clinged to him in the middle of a horror movie, the little brother who flashed his bunny smile at Wooseok when he wanted something. Somehow, the cheeky kid grew into a man right under his eyes, and with Yohan’s earnest confession last night, the fondness he holds for the athlete blossoms into something more blurry.

_“Hyung, I hope that someday you’ll look at me and think of home.”_

_So I couldn’t give up_

_I couldn’t fall asleep peacefully for a single night_

_Because maybe if I keep trying to get up like this_

_I will find myself_

Wooseok was eighteen when TOP took him in, nineteen at debut, and twenty-three when he met the one. All that he knew and saw in the world was filtered by the spotlight and flashing cameras. Sure, life as an idol had made him stronger, tougher, and kinder, but Wooseok feels as if a part of his youth is missing. It had been Jinhyuk and him against the world, and for a while, he did feel invincible. But looking back at all the childish fights and avoidable arguments, Wooseok realizes their relationship had never grown out of its youthful phase. They were moving into the future with the mindsets of impulsive and selfish boys and it was toxic.

So Wooseok doesn’t give up. He doesn’t try to drown in his own heartbreak and cry until his sheets are soaked like his twenty year old self. No, he stands up tall, because he knows the pang in his chest all too well. It’s the pain of growing up. And for the first time in a long time, Wooseok feels like he’s finally getting to know himself.

_How painful must it have been?_

_How painful must it have been?_

_How high must my hopes have been?_

With a gentle hum, Wooseok finishes the song and listens as the outro fades into the background slowly. He takes off his headphones and looks across the glass panel to see Seungyeon and Jinhyuk dabbing lightly at their faces, the redness around their eyes a clear sign of crying. Wooseok smiles a little at their reaction, ready to leave the booth just as Seungyeon leans over to speak into the microphone. His voice is shaky and he’s sniffling like hell, but the compliment he gives warms Wooseok more than anything else.

“Kim Wooseok, you beautiful human being. Heaven missed out on you, didn’t they.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yocat sisters, I hope you were satsified that Wooseok’s giving Yohan a chance.  
Weishin sisters, I hope you guys weren’t too heartbroken. (But hey, Jinhyuk’s not losing him anytime soon. Wooseok still loves him like Dohyon loves his food)  
TMY recording! The lyrics of the song are so well-written and I’m in awe of how much it relates to Wooseok’s story and all the hardships that he has been through. Kim Wooseok really is a beautiful human being that deserves all the ❤️  
Next chapter, trainees time! And we might or might not get to meet Seungwoo’s favourite (and only) nephew❤️

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys❤️
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this (semi-crackish, but somewhat serious) story. My heart still breaks from time to time but like all Weishin suckers, I know their friendship (love?) will be strong regardless of the 2.5 year break. I also look forward to writing about the other trainees and how Jinhyuk manages the agency❤️It’s going to be one wild ride***
> 
> See you soon and please leave me a comment/suggestion!:)


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